Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
- She may have a heavenly body but she's just a girl lying in bed with a guy
- Be honest
- You're in perfect working order
- While your penis behaviour is a big deal for you, your tongue and fingers are just as important to her, so use them.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
This has been a problem for many years now and my partner has only performed oral sex on me twice in a year.
I have become very self conscious and embarrassed - it is causing undue stress in our sex life and we're losing the intimacy we so need. Please can you advise?
A. Please let me reassure you that having inner lips which protrude is perfectly normal. I'd generally say leave well alone, but you're obviously very troubled by this long-standing problem. Have you talked to your partner about your concerns? Maybe it has nothing to do with how your labia look - some guys just aren't into oral sex - regardless of whether your vulva has generous inner labia or everything is hidden.
Before going down the surgery route, do check out the Vulval Health Awareness Campaign website. You can see vulvas of all shapes and sizes on this helpful and informative site - which I think you'll find reassuring. They also have a helpline: 07765 947 599. If you still want to explore the possibility of reduction surgery (labiaplasty) it's essential to do your homework and find the best and most experienced surgeon possible. He should be a registered member of the GMC (General Medical Council) and also BAAPS (the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons).
The op can be carried out under general or local anaesthetic, it takes between one and two hours and you should choose to have it performed somewhere that's registered with the Healthcare Commission (the UK's health watchdog). The inner labia can be reshaped by scalpel or laser. Laser surgery is reputed to be more precise, with less downtime after the op (intercourse isn't recommended until 4-6 weeks after surgery whichever method is used).
Labiaplasty can cost anything between £1250 and £4000. BAAPS has an advice line 020 7405 2234 or go to the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons website. Also visit the cosmetic surgery pages on the Department of Health website where you'll find info on female genital reshaping.
Q. Can you tell me why, when I am ready to climax, I pass wind? I hate it and don't know what's causing it or how to stop it. Any ideas please?
A. I wonder if you’re talking about actually passing wind, or if you mean a queef - which is the odourless trapped air that can escape from your vagina during sex? Rest assured that although it sounds embarrassing, it’s quite normal!
You say it happens when you’re about to climax, and I suspect this is because that’s the moment when you’re completely letting go. Try avoiding doggie position for intercourse, or having your legs in the air, as these tend to let air into the vagina. Your partner should also avoid pulling right out and then thrusting deeply, for the same reason.
But if it is anal gas you mean, then steer clear of spicy or high-fibre foods that cause flatulence, along with carbonated drinks and chewing gum. Reduce the amount of fat in your diet, eat slowly so you don’t swallow too much air and try to go to the loo regularly - especially before making love.
It’s also worth running this by your GP, in case you may be suffering from a common condition called IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). Your doctor will also be able to advise you on the best tablets/medication for reducing wind.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
1. Begin sexual activity as usual, including stimulation of the penis, until you feel almost ready to ejaculate.
2. Have your partner squeeze the end of your penis, at the point where the head joins the shaft, and maintain the squeeze for several seconds, until the urge to ejaculate passes.
3. After the squeeze is released, wait for about 30 seconds, and then go back to foreplay. You may notice that squeezing the penis causes it to become less erect, but when sexual stimulation is resumed, it soon regains full erection.
4. If you again feel you're about to ejaculate, have your partner repeat the squeeze process.
Repeat this as many times as necessary, because you will reach the point of entering your partner without ejaculating. Remember practice makes perfect and after a few practice sessions, the feeling of knowing how to delay ejaculation will become a habit that no longer requires the squeeze technique.
Another possibility to prolong your performance is practicing while you are masturbating. When you feel the need to come then stop what you're doing. Also there are ways to control it while you are doing it yourself, by contracting your pelvic floor muscles. You will know which muscles they are if you try to stop yourself when you go to the toilet to pee. If you increase the number of times you contract and release them during the day (and you can do it while you are at work!) :) then you can control your orgasm too.
And lastly stop thinking about it, and how your performance is, because, as surprising as it sounds, women don't take note of these things, if they are satisfied, and you are a generous, considerate lover, then they won't notice how long you are in them. Trust me.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I can get a date to meet somebody once, but it seems to go no further. I presume they are put off by my having to use a walking stick. So my question is, how does a disabled man get a girlfriend? I have no sexual problems and enjoy sex. I am reasonably intelligent, I'm educated to university level and not bad looking. I'm friendly and easy to get on with, although a bit shy, but I seem to have no success at all.
A. Its a well known fact that women are not as shallow as men, and I can honestly say this is not an old wives tale. Disabled men find girlfriends all the time, and if you ask the girlfriend of any disabled man whether his disability is a problem, you can guarantee that they will say it never has been. Women do see past the surface, especially if the man is intelligent, sensitive, kind and considerate.
There are many men in this world who don't appreciate the female form, don't appreciate female qualities, and take their women for granted, treating them badly and with no respect. Women, therefore, are looking for more. They are looking to be treated well, to be spoiled, to be respected, to be worshipped, to be romanced and treasured. Any man can do that, disabled or not. Your disability will not get in the way of treating a woman right, and that is what you have to get across to your potential partner.
One huge piece of advice I need to give you is 'Be honest from the outset'. Don't suddenly throw it at your date the minute you meet her. Prepare the woman beforehand, even mention it in your profile, but most definitely in your first conversations. That way you will attract an understanding woman who is not shocked when she meets you. Something men don't seem to grasp is - Women appreciate honesty, complete honesty. We don't like surprises :)
If you want to try internet dating then by all means let me know and send me your profile so I can let you know if you're going wrong at all.
Meeting women doesn't seem to be a problem for you, but like you say, you can't get past the first date, so hopefully if you take my advice but also spend much longer getting to know someone before you meet, chances are you will last longer. I know this is probably not necessary too, but make sure your personal hygiene is spot on, make sure you treat her like a gent when you meet her, and make sure you don't try to push anything too fast, take everything at her pace, and chances are you shall get to date number two in no time. Those are the only reasons I've heard of for a woman not to want to get past the first date.
Let me know how you get on, I'd love to hear of your success, and if you need any more help please mail me xxx
Q. I seem to get all the shallow ones. I have met other men locally who their partners left after they developed a disability. When one has been married and in a relationship it is difficult to go back to quite a solitary life, since I don't have any children.
I have tried internet dating, such as Plentyoffish, but with limited success. I am sure that there are a lot of nice women out there, but I don't seem to meet them. I try to be as honest as I can, I dress smart casual and have a lot of interests and abilities. Do you think I should try to meet women older than me, who might be more appreciative and willing to accept my disability?
A. To be honest I suggest you try a site you have to pay for. Plentyoffish is a free site and as such attracts women who aren't really that serious. If you try a site they have had to pay for then chances are they are actually looking for someone, and genuinely interested. Its a good suggestion trying older, not because they will be grateful :) but because they will be far less shallow than younger ones, and companionship is more important than anything else :)
I'm a young looking 44 yr old married man of 20 years, in a sexless marriage. The last time was about 6/7 years ago, I have a high libido and have no problems getting hard. I wank 2-3 times a day.
I love my wife dearly and would never leave her. She has suffered from depression for most of our marriage and has very low self esteem, despite the compliments and encouragement I give her.
She has always had a lower sex drive than me and would be happier without any pressure of sex , even though I would never pressure her. However this doesn't stop me fantasising about other women old or young and i miss the feel of a woman's soft skin touching the most intimate parts, sucking, kissing, licking, and the feel of my cock in a wet pussy. I often look at porn and masturbate to get my kicks but I would like to go the next step and meet someone for no string sex.
Can you give me some advice?
A. I totally understand your problem, and as a mistress I hear the same situation many times over. I feel very sorry for guys who are in a sexless relationship, because it is one of the most pleasurable experiences in the world, but as you say, when there is depression and low self esteem it is very difficult to kick start it. You clearly have a high sex drive, and to some women that will be a blessing and a god send. Wanking 2 - 3 times a day is perfectly normal and no matter how you manage to get yourself turned on, porn etc, it is a great way to take the pressure off your wife, however I do understand the need to feel soft skin and a womans breath, rather than just your hand.
I'm not sure of your financial situation and whether you want to pay for an encounter, either with a professional or on a website. Firstly I'll assume you don't want to pay for anything, and I can suggest a website called www.adultfriendfinder.co.uk. It allows you to browse profiles and send winks and message a limited number of people a day. It also has free webcams for you to look at, which might help with the masturbating before you actually find someone to meet. I suggest you don't hide that you are married, and you will be surprised how many women are fine with that, so long as you are upfront and honest about it.
Secondly, if your finances allow it, I can highly recommend the dating site I use, and a lot of men are finding hugely successful in finding a suitable partner who understands the situation, and the essential discretion. The site is called www.illicitencounters.co.uk. It is specifically for married men looking for a mistress and a discreet relationship. I'm pretty sure you will find someone on there.
And thirdly, if your finances also allow it, I can suggest a professional encounter, if you're not too offended by me saying it, because that guarantees absolutely no complications, no problems with emotions being involved, and of course no way your wife will ever find out. There are many good sites on the internet, depending on where you are based, and if you need any help with this then feel free to mail me back. I would however, initially, suggest looking on dating sites to see if you can find someone suitable who is sympathetic to your situation.
I really hope my advice has helped, and please don't feel guilty about your feelings and needing to look elsewhere, after 7 years it is perfectly acceptable. I feel sorry for the situation your wife is in, but it is very hard to be understanding indefinitely. You are a healthy male with a sex drive that needs satisfying. If you're sensible, discreet and careful there is no reason why you can't satisfy those needs elsewhere without anyone getting hurt.
I wish you lots of luck finding what you need, and please let me know how it goes.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
A. In short - No! Whenever we eavesdrop on phone conversations we only hear one side of the conversation. If he knew you were around he was hardly going to sound loved up with her was he? For all you knew, after you left the room, he could have apologised for being rude to her, and blamed the pressures of work. He is playing you and playing her. If you could control your emotions and not love him then it could work for you too, but unfortunately you've crossed the line and fallen for him, and we are all capable of doing that.
I date married men, everyone knows that, and I manage to control my emotions, but you need to see the bottom line here, and it may well hurt to read it. He is a father of two and one on the way. If his marriage is so bad, and he hates her so much, and he wishes he wasn't there, then why is there one on the way? You do know where babies come from don't you?
I'm sorry if it sounds blunt but you're better off elsewhere, married men have affairs, married men sometimes leave, but its rare. He won't leave as long as there's a reason to stay there, and another baby may well be the reason he needs. He's enjoying the adoration he gets from you, but he has still managed to get his wife pregnant, so maybe its not as bad as he makes out. Sooner or later the penny will drop, enjoy the fun while it lasts, but I suggest you start to distance your feelings if that's possible. I know how difficult it is when you're in love, but for your own sake, its best to face the reality of an affair.
When its good, its very very good, but when its dishonest its horrid :(
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
A. If his part is, er, compact, then try the 'scissor position' for maximum penetration sensation. Lie on your side with one leg raised in the air (see where the name comes from?), then get him to kneel either side of the flat leg and enter you. He can either lean on one arm, or not support himself, and that leaves his hands free to stimulate other parts of you, stroking your leg or playing with your clit at the same time. That way he's not just relying on his penis to give you pleasure. Remind yourself that most women don't cum from penetration alone. Great sex is about much more and a mini-manhood has its advantages - like easier oral sex :)
Monday, May 18, 2009
A. The solution? Surprise him by taking the initiative. Next time you see him jump start the sex, be ready and waiting in sexy underwear, push him on the bed and rip his shirt open. Pull his zip down and get to work on him. Being on top shows him you enjoy 'action', but you must get him to join in too. Ask him to play with your nipples, to kiss you harder, to take what he wants. The trick is to heat things up in whatever way possible but not make him feel like Barry Boring when it comes to sex by complaining about it. If you don't let him dictate the lovemaking style all the time, he should soon get the message, and might actually enjoy the occasional quickie.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
My lover and I are having a fantastic time, or so I thought. He loves to see me, and tries so hard to get away from his wife. Its great fun, we have lots of laughs and lots of sex. We are new to this so we are still getting used to each other. When we first got together I told him I'd played with a woman many moons ago. I'd had a 4 some with my partner at the time. I didn't think anything was wrong with being honest and open about my sexuality but I'm wishing I hadn't mentioned it now. He seems obsessed with it, its all he can talk about and now, when we get together, he's pushing me to find another woman or couple to play with. I know he's never done it and wants to try it, but its getting boring now, its like I'm not enough!
OH my, men and their fantasies, and when a woman is open and honest enough to tell about these things they have to obsess about it. Give them an inch....... ! :)
Anyway, if you're not in a rush to do this, or anything else you may have discussed, you have to tell him. He has to be patient with you. There are a million things you can do together before you start introducing new people into your relationship. I can understand, as he is married, that he has probably been experiencing fairly boring sex for a very long time, and a new, exciting mistress who is open and adventurous will be blowing his mind, and it can become addictive. However, he needs to respect your wishes and respect your boundaries, and understand that good things come to those who wait.
A 4 some can be great fun, and men do love the idea. They love the idea of a 3 some even more because then its 'all about him', but if you're not ready for either of those then tell him. He will not be able to shake that image from his head because its something he's been dreaming of for well over half of his life but if he doesn't respect your wishes, or is not satisfied by what you both currently do, then you might need to rethink your relationship. Ask him to not talk about it so much, if he's turned on by the thought of it then that's ok, and its flattering knowing he's thinking of you (and whoever) and its arousing him, but thinking about it and talking about it/doing it are completely different things.
In time, who knows what might happen and what you might want to do, but certainly in the initial rush of excitement he should be concentrating on you, not trying to include everyone he can think of :)
If you're open and honest enough to tell him about this in the first place, then I'm pretty sure you're open and honest enough to tell him to shut up until you bring the subject up again!
Good luck with it and you know where I am if it doesn't work. I'll have a word with him :)
Friday, April 17, 2009
I found a blog written by a very sexy and confident lady a while ago and posted some comments on posts she'd written. She seemed to find my comments of interest and also started to visit my own blog. After a while we swapped emails and well, one thing led to another and we spoke to each other on the phone. That was great - we got on like old friends. The conversations were easy, and very broad. Right from the first time we spoke. We met for a drink, and she was as sexy, attractive and fun in person as she had seemed to be in our earlier contacts.We met for another drink which ended with a prolonged spell of finding out if we liked the way we kissed. (we did ). We met a third time and enjoyed a rather different, but fun illicit experience. We seemed to be very much on the same wavelength about so much.
I'm married but an experienced philanderer, she's single and an experienced mistress and it felt like we could share some exciting adventures together. But I screwed it up. I had communication problems and made mistakes in how I responded to her valid criticism of my behaviour in not making more of an effort to let her know. It's the chat I miss the most, although that evening we spent together did whet my appetite for other things too, it's still the chat I miss.
Is there anything you can suggest I might do in order to restore her belief in me as 'one of the good guys'?
It seems you messed up royally, and if she is an experienced mistress she will have come across this behaviour before. That usually means she will tolerate far less in the poor communication stakes. Men who date women who are experienced, confident, sexy, self assured and 'in demand' should always remember, no matter how high an opinion they have of themselves, they are usually easily replaced by a man equally interesting, charming and attractive. This in turn should then encourage them not to mess up or think good and hard about the consequences of their actions.
We all know a woman, as you describe, is a rarity on the Internet, they are not around every corner, therefore they should be treasured and effort should always be put in.
Maybe she wasn't as into you as you thought.
Maybe she had better offers from guys who put more effort in.
Maybe she decided she didn't have to put up with poor communication.
Maybe you assumed far too much about her and what you thought she needed.
Maybe you tried too hard and didn't listen to what she was saying and made it all about you.
On this occasion I think maybe you should assume that it has gone, that she has moved on with a man putting his back into it, that she probably hasn't got time for anything other than chat and, regardless of whether you are a 'good guy' or not, it would never be more than chat. There are lots of men out there who are 'good guys' and its very easy to be put back on the subs bench if you're not making enough effort in the game. Also men don't realise it but it is easy to push women further away if he tries too hard. Men seem to assume that, if they try to solve things after they have messed up, the woman is going to be needy enough to forgive and forget at the first sign of an apology. But women don't forget easily, and they don't HAVE to put up with poor behaviour.
Mail her sometime if you feel you really should, but don't expect miracles, don't expect things as they were, and don't push a woman into feeling obliged to be friends just because you're missing her.
I hope this helps you.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
I started an affair 3 months ago, before we met he was all over me, he was texting me constantly, calling me every day, trying to see me, pushing to rush things, and all I wanted was to meet him. We managed to arrange it and when we met it was amazing. We had a fantastic time, he booked the hotel, we had dinner, we had drinks, we had lovely kisses and great sex. Then the texts and calls started to calm down, he was busy. The second time we met a month later was just as good but he arranged for it to be at my place, we had great sex as soon as he arrived and I cooked. I didn't mind, I like to spoil a man, but it didn't feel the same. The texts and calls dropped to one or two a week, he was busy. The third time we met a month later he was 'passing on business' and popped in for a couple of hours. We had sex and he left. I felt so cheap after and it didn't feel like I was the princess he'd promised I'd always be. Why has he changed?
Sorry to say but he changed because he could. He's wanting a home from home. He's showing you no respect by treating you like that. If you can't speak up and tell him its not right then its better you walk away and find another man who can treat you well. Its not about big dinners, hotels and presents, but it is about respect and decency, and not making you feel bad. Relationships are difficult, especially at the beginning, trying to work out where the boundaries are and what keeps each other happy, but he doesn't have to treat you like a doormat, and you don't have to feel bad.
Stay in this if you're happy, if you can absolutely say you're happy about the situation, and he's so amazing that you can't live without him, but the fact he has made you feel uncomfortable with things after only your third date means you need to shake your head and refocus on what you really want from this. Tell him if you're unhappy, and what makes you unhappy, he may well do the same with you, in which case you will learn more about him. But if this man is capable of disrespecting you so soon, imagine what it will be like in another 6 months?
You are a catch, you are the one who has several men interested in you, he should be thrilled that you're willing to tolerate his situation, so he should be the one making the effort for you. No effort, no point.
Anything that doesn't make you smile all the time should be addressed, smiling is better than frowning. Leave the frowning and the frown lines to his wife, and smile because you are fabulous :)
When you realise that, and he realises that, maybe the respect will be there, or you will have moved on to someone else who knows how to treat your fabulous self!
I'm having problems maintaining an erection with my wife, she is still sexy, but our sex life is incredibly dull, feeling like a duty, and because of that I can't stay hard. All the time I'm thinking of my mistress who is beautiful, amazingly sexy, and great fun to be with, but the guilt is causing me problems. I feel guilty because I'm cheating on my wife, but I also feel guilty cheating on my mistress with my wife. What can I do to solve the problem?
This is a tough one, and I completely understand where the problem may lie. Women can fake arousal but men can't. I sympathise with any man who is having an erection problem, its very difficult to hide.
There are many things you can do to solve this, although some of my answers will be controversial and may well cause readers to wince a little.
If you're having a problem maintaining an erection with your wife but not with your mistress then at least we have established this is not a medical problem, which would have been my first solution.
If you don't find your wife as sexy as you did is it possible to think of your mistress while you are with your wife? Apparently 70% of men (and women!) think of other people or other scenarios or fantasise while they are having sex with their partners, so you're no different, its not illegal and if it helps the situation and also gives your wife the reassurance that you are still turned on by her.
When a wife knows her husband is turned on by her (regardless of what is going on in his head) she is more confident to step it up a gear, to try harder and to loosen up a little. Encourage her to try new things, start talking to her again about your sex life, suggest new things you have never tried, or reintroduce things that you used to do when you were younger. She might be just as bored with your sex life as you are. In the process you are encouraging her to try harder, you are trying harder, and the ultimate result is she is sexier and you are harder.
Have you tried Viagra or some other stimulant? If you're having problems maintaining your erection because of something psychological, is it worth calling on the help of the medical profession (or the Internet) for some magic blue pills to see if that helps. It may well get you over your immediate problem, which will end up being a huge issue if you don't nip it in the bud now. Your mind is a powerful thing, it is capable of killing an erection just by the fear of having it happen! Overpower your mind with chemicals and your mind might get the hint that its not ruling your cock from now on.
And lastly, at the risk of sounding heartless, have less sex with your wife? If she's not turning you on, and you feel like its a duty, then is it really worth even going through the motions. Is she doing the same? Is it a duty for her? Maybe she's doing it because she feels she has to, if you took the pressure off both of you, and told her you no longer needed it, then you wouldn't have the guilt and the fear causing your lack of erection.
Let me know how it goes, and which option you try. And feel free to contact me again with any more issues.
I am the husband, married for 27 years, bored, miserable, the usual story. I love my wife dearly but I am missing the thrill that I had all those years ago. My problem seems to be having the bottle to look for someone new, having the confidence to do so and knowing where to look. I'd love to hear how guys usually find their new lover, or their balls!
After many years of dating married men, I have found them in various different places. If a man is sure he wants to have an affair, and has thought about his circumstances and if he can actually fit another woman into his life, then he is ready to take the first step.
Firstly - Having the bottle - If you have got as far as looking on the Internet for subjects relating to affairs then you clearly have put a lot of thought into it. The fact that you are considering it and actively starting to look (or find where to look) means you are on the road. You're certainly not still in the garage unable to start the engine. You're moving and heading towards your first affair. As a newbie then you will need some serious advice to make sure you don't get caught, and ensure you find the right woman. Have a good think about exactly what you need and why you need it, is it the emotional connection you're missing, the friendship or plain and simple, the sex? Then of course you can email me again for more advice.
Secondly - Having the confidence to look elsewhere - The fact that you're not sitting in your shed shaking but you are considering an affair means you clearly have some self confidence. You will be surprised when you start looking around, women are not as shallow as men, they are not 'looks obsessed', they appreciate many more qualities and see past the initial exterior view.
Naturally its better for you if you're not looking like Neanderthal man, hairy, knuckles dragging on the floor, smelling like you bathe once a year, and grunting at every opportunity, but I assume in this day and age men like that are a dying breed :)
Think about what qualities you liked or loved about yourself when you first met your wife, about how you were many years ago. You're still the same person inside. You might have spread a little round the middle, you may have become a grumpy old man, but inside you're still the exciting, passionate, enthusiastic, vibrant man you used to be, with a love of music, or a passion for sports, or even a dreamer who likes to lie in fields on a summers day making pictures from the clouds. Whatever your qualities are, some of them, if not all of them, will be attractive to women. Work on them, fine tune them, and remember the man you used to be.
Most of all - BE A GENTLEMAN - Women will kill for that :)
Thirdly - Where to find it - Never stray too close to home - or shit on your own doorstep, as I like to call it :) Don't look for a lover at work - too complicated, or amongst your circle of friends - too dangerous, or within 10 miles of your house (at least) - too risky.
Look somewhere like the Internet - http://www.illicitencounters.co.uk/ - is definitely one of the best available, for serious affairs, flings, no strings attached fun etc. But make sure you follow their tips about how to fill in your profile and how to stay safe.
Other options include other dating websites available on the net, it all depends on your budget, but one thing I can't stress enough is make sure you're honest. Don't hide behind a person you'd like to be, because when it comes to meeting for real, women can spot a fake a mile off and that's just a wasted journey for everyone.
Be yourself, be confident and be positive.
She's out there for you, trust me, I'm a mistress :)