Wednesday, April 7, 2010

More quicky questions...

Q. I woke up last night and my husband was masturbating in his sleep. Is this normal?

A. That depends on your definition of normal. It's called sexsomnia and ranges from dirty-talking to having intercourse! If it's bugging you, suggest your husband sees a doctor.

Q. Why doesn't my partner climax until I use my hands? What am I doing wrong?

A. Clearly he thinks you're doing something right! Some men love the intense pressure that you can provide only with your hands. As long as you're sexually satisfied too, keep doing what works.

Q. I love the missionary position. Any tips on making it more orgasm-friendly?

A. Try straightening your legs and squeezing them together after he's inside you. Or go with the coital alignment technique: ie. once your partner enters you, he should slide his penis up toward your head and with a rocking motion, push the base of his penis against your pubic bone, so he's grinding, not thrusting. This will stimulate the clitoris at the same time.

Q. My periods used to be irregular but now they're OK. Is it because I lost a stone?

A. Yes. Oestrogen levels tend to be higher when you're overweight, which can affect ovulation. Losing that stone was probably enough to get your cycle back on track.

Q. I've had four yeast infections recently. What can I do about it?

A. Some women assume they have a yeast infection when they see a white discharge, but instead have a different problem, such as bacterial vaginosis. Be sure to see your doctor for the right diagnosis - and treatment.

Q. My boyfriend's porn disgusts me. Am I just being a prude?

A. Not at all. Some women take it as an indication that their partners aren't satisfied with their sex life, but for most men, it's just about fantasy, not a reflection on how they feel about their partners. Talk to your boyfriend. If it still bothers you after that, ask him to keep it out of your sight.

Q. I always get irritated down there after sex. Could it be the condom?

A. Could be - a minor latex allergy can cause irritation, so try switching to a polyurethane condom. Dryness during sex can also lead to irritation: adding a lubricant can help. See your doctor to rule out infection.

Q. I've been having trouble holding it in when I have to pee. I'm 19. What's wrong?

A. If you haven't had children, the most common reason at your age is a bladder infection. Get your doctor to test you. Too much caffeine can also irritate the bladder and cause this feeling.

Q. How can we get in sync? When my partner wants sex, I don't, and vice versa.

A. One solution is planning sex. Another is compromise: when one of you isn't in the mood, just try going for it anyway. Often, you'll start getting into it. And there's more to sex than just intercourse. Make time to cuddle and kiss. Being affectionate can only bring you closer, which may, in turn, help you both want sex more.

Monday, April 5, 2010

More quicky questions...

Q. I've never had sensitive nipples. Should I just accept I never will?

A. Well, yes. For some women, the nipples aren't that sensitive. But so what? The entire body is one big erogenous zone - you just have to find the spots that make your toes curl. Trust me they're there.

Q. My boyfriend loves sex with him standing behind me, me kneeling on the bed. It hurts. Is this normal?

A. Yes. This position can provide very deep penetration, which can be uncomfortable as the penis hits against the cervix and the back of the uterus, where your sensitive ovaries lie. This can be especially painful if he's well-endowed or if you're one of the 20% of women who have a retroverted uterus - one that leans backward rather than forward. Try limiting penetration by standing for a bit once he enters you or find a position that works for you both.

Q. I've never had an orgasm, but I think I've been close - it feels like my face and hands are paralysed.

A. You may well be having an orgasm! Every woman's experience is different. Some feel a throbbing in the vagina; others have a sensation in their fingers, toes or legs. Do you feel a release? Do you feel more relaxed and happier? If yes, enjoy it.

Q. My partner doesn't get fully erect. Isn't 28 too young for erectile dysfunction?

A. True, erectile dysfunction is unusual in men under 40, but younger men can have occasional trouble - after drinking, for instance, or due to certain prescription drugs or medical problems. Depression and anxiety can also decrease blood flow to the penis. In the moment, take the pressure off by concentrating on things like massage, kissing, even oral sex. But if your partner's trouble continues, he should visit his doctor.

Q. Is it OK for me to go commando?

A. Healthwise, it's fine - in fact some underwear is more unhealthy. Those made of non-cotton fabric don't allow air flow and bacteria can grow. And hey, not wearing undies can be sexy!

Q. I'm worried that my odour down there is off. What is it supposed to smell like?

A. This is one of the most common questions I get from women writing to me. Our natural odour is best described as musky, though each woman has her own personal scent, and it can be affected by what she eats and drinks. What's not normal; a strong, bread-like odour, which may be a yeast infection. Also, a foul, fishy smell, which could indicate an STD. Never try to mask a smell with products: they can leave you with irritation or infection.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Sex Answers in 5 Words...

Q. The condom just broke. Now what?

A. Take the morning after pill.

Q. My boyfriend wants to talk dirty in bed - is that weird?

A. Not if you like it.

Q. What do I do about stray nipple hairs?

A. Love 'em or pluck 'em.

Q. Advice for first-time dirty talk?

A. Don't be embarrassed, be honest.

More quicky questions...

Q. I want to have multiple orgasms but don't know how. Any suggestions?

A. If I had a pound for every time I heard this question! The best way to have multiple orgasms is to just not try. If you insist though, continue stimulation after you climax, and focus on the pleasure you're still having. See what happens. But don't think about it too much or it won't work.

Q. I have no sex drive and feel sick when my husband wants it. Do I hate him or something?

A. Well do you? Relationship problems can affect desire. But if you can't pinpoint anything wrong in your marriage, you could have hypoactive sexual desire disorder - a medical condition where people stop wanting sex. It's sometimes a side effect of medication, such as contraception and anti depressants; it can also be caused by stress or financial worries. See your doctor and don't panic: if you want to want sex, you (and your doctor) will find a way.

Q. I think about sex constantly, look at porn at lot and want every guy I meet. Is that normal?

A. Probably. Odds are you just have a high sex drive. But if thoughts of sex interfere with your daily activities, cause you to worry or lead you to engage in risky behaviour, you may have a sexual addiction and should seek counselling.

Q. Can I have sex the night before I'm due to have a smear?

A. No. Lube, semen and even swelling from thrusting can make it harder to collect and detect abnormal cells during your smear, so abstain from sex for 48 hours before the appointment.

Q. I like to use food during sex. Is it safe?

A. Food can be fun, but the key is location! There's nothing wrong with spraying whipped cream or spreading chocolate, on your skin, but never put these - or any foods that melt - inside your vagina as they can cause infection. Also, don't insert edibles, such as grapes, if you don't want them to get stuck.

The answer is YES!

Is there a G-spot?

Can you orgasm from anal sex?

Can I get pregnant if I've had an abortion?

Do men fake it?

Does weight affect infertility?

Is acne down there normal?

Quicky questions...

Q. I've never orgasmed with my boyfriend, but I can by myself, what's wrong?

A. Nothing - the fact that you're climaxing shows everything's working fine. now try to show your partner exactly how you touch yourself - if he masters it and you still can't have an orgasm, it may be the pressure to perform is inhibiting you. Relax and focus on sensations, rather than the goal, and it will happen.

Q. I get horrible PMS cramps. Is there anything I can do?

A. Two days before your period, pop 400mg of Ibuprofen, two or three times a day, and continue through the first day or two of bleeding. Other strategies: stop smoking, limit alcohol, and eat more vegetables. And my favourite cramp killer? Orgasm!

Q. It hurts every time I have sex. Why?

A. The anticipation of pain may be contributing to the problem - if you're tense or worried, you can't relax or lubricate and sex will be uncomfortable. Practise masturbating with a water based lubricant, and your fingers, until you're ready to experiment with a small vaginal sex toy. Once you're able to insert one without pain, I hope you'll be able to relax during sex with your partner. But if sex continues to hurt, see your doctor.

Q. When I orgasm I 'squirt'. What is it?

A. It's not urine; it's fluid released from the glands surrounding the urethra during orgasm. This 'female ejaculation' occurs only in some women, but it's natural and not a problem. So try to relax and enjoy it.

Q. My boyfriend has herpes from a previous partner. Will I get it?

A. Probably not if you follow this advice: wear a condom each time you have sex (to decrease the chance of transmission) and abstain from it altogether when he has an outbreak. Of course, if you do notice a lesion, see your doctor.

Q. I have an IUD, and it recently cut my boyfriend while we were having sex. Could something be wrong?

A. Yes. It sounds like your IUD is protruding from your uterus, trying to expel itself. This isn't common, but it can happen, especially in the first year. Get your doctor to check the device straight away, if it's not in the right place, you could become pregnant, so use a condom or, for his sake, hold off until it's safe in there.

Q. My boyfriend hasn't gone down on me in months, but he always wants me to do it to him. What's up?

A. In my mind he's being selfish, but sexual interest can wane in long term relationships. So remind him how much you like oral sex - and ask for it. No improvement? I'd withhold fellatio until he reciprocates. Great sex is about satisfying both partners.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Q. I used to be a size 18, but have recently lost loads of weight and love my new size 12 figure, only my boyfriend says I'm not the woman he fell in love with. If he prefers me fat, maybe I should go back to how I was. What do you think?

A. No, no, and triple no!! Whether you're a size 18 or a size 12, as long as you're happy and healthy, what's the problem? He should be congratulating you, not persecuting you. Having said that, if he genuinely has a physical preference for larger women and doesn't fancy the new you, there really is no compromise. Sadly, it might be time to get a new man to go with the new body. Good luck.

Q. I've just started seeing a guy who's 22 years older than me (he's 45). Everything's great but sometimes he can't get an erection. He says I'm gorgeous and it's his problem, but I want to help. What can I do?

A. As blokes get older, their penises aren't always the battle-ready privates they once were. They can occasionally keel over due to stress, tiredness or even the pressure of a gorgeous younger woman paying them attention. Don't make too much fuss - just keep on kissing and stroking. But, if it becomes more than occasional, you could gently suggest he gets checked out - just to make sure everything is in good order.

Q. I have a 'shag buddy' thing with a male friend, which suits me fine. The problem is he always comes, and I rarely do - I'm not confident telling him what to do, as we're not even dating. Am I being silly?

A. If you can't even get an orgasm out of it, why bother? You're simply indulging his needs, with no thought for your own. If you're both happy with the non-committal, post-pub bunk-ups, fine, but at least draw him a map of your bits on the back of a beer mat. If he's not interested, have the self respect to drop your little arrangement. If he is, problem solved. Until you meet someone else, at any rate.

Q. I think my boyfriend is avoiding sex with me. We've lived together for six months and, until recently, it was great. But now he stays up late to watch films, or he says he's tired when I cuddle him. His work hasn't changed, so what's up?

A. It's impossible for me to say - but he might, if you ask him. Maybe he's upset or angry and is 'punishing' you - or perhaps he feels guilty about something. Alternatively, he could have got pipe-and-slippers complacency. The truth is you won't know until you ask - so pick an intimate moment when you're not in bed and listen to him. But be warned, you might be opening a can of worms, and you might not like what you hear. Hopefully it will be something simple, and easily solved, but it will only ever be mended if you communicate.
Q. I love my partner but the sex is 'bed and bored'. Should I leave?

A. Yes, if the sex was always terrible and he's done nothing to improve on it. But if it used to be good and the relationship is over two years old, what's gone are the pleasurable neurochemicals that flooded your brain when you first fell in love. Evolution programs humans to feel that passion for long enough to have a baby; around two years. After that it's down to us to keep the loving feelings going.

Q. Going down on a woman has always been my biggest turn-on, but I'm a bit grossed out by how wet my new girlfriend gets. When she orgasms, a lot of liquid comes out and I think she might be wetting herself a bit. It's really off-putting.

A. It's called female ejaculation - not all women do it, so if you haven't come across it before it can be surprising. But off-putting? If you orgasm while you're in her mouth, does she complain about the amount of fluid you ejaculate? Make the most of it, its a rarity and most men would kill for a girlfriend who gets so turned on.

Sex Toy Special ....

Q. My boyfriend wants me to go out for dinner wearing a butt-plug. I don't understand why he finds it sexy and I really don't want to do it. Is it safe?

A. Possibly he's misunderstood the essential nature of the butt-plug. During intercourse it can lead to a feeling of total fullness, and tighten your vaginal muscles. But, unlike men, women don't have a prostate gland up there; so while, for him, a plug could theoretically offer jazzy stimulation in and out of the bedroom, wearing one as you eat your starter will be mainly uncomfortable - unless the idea gives you a naughty thrill. Suggest wearing a butt...... erfly vibrator instead, which fits in your knickers, and give him the remote control. Much more fun all round.

Q. Can you advise me on which sex toy is best for giving me and my man pleasure at the same time?

A. One easy thrill is a vibrating cock ring. He puts it around the base of his penis, then it whirrs against your clitoris during sex, while intensifying the sensations for him, too. Or, if he's open minded about anal excitement, you could try a double-ended dildo, with one end inside you, and one ...... well, where do you think? If you're feeling very brave, you could try a strap on. Some have a buzzing vibe inside the harness, so, while you're doing him, you get more turned on with every thrust. May not be one to whip out on the first date though.

Q. Can you get made-to-measure vibrators?

A. Cloneboy make kits that allow you to create a silicon cast of your bloke's penis, for use as a dildo should he ever be unavailable in person. But I suggest you pick from one of the many new styles of the classic Rampant Rabbit. Lovehoney stock them all, in a rainbow of colours, thrust-styles and speeds. Frankly, it's a lot easier than having someone measure your vagina.

Q. Can you overuse your vibrator? I've heard of girls who use them every day and become desensitised to ordinary sex after having their vibrator on such a high setting.

A. If you apply pressure and vibration to any part of you, you'll risk making it numb eventually - and you can bruise your clitoris. However, as soon as you stop, it will return to normal - it's pretty resilient. To get the most out of your vibrator though, take it down a few notches. The build-up of sensation will be much slower and more enjoyable.

Q. I have just started seeing a new guy and he told me he loves to use vibrators on me. That's fine - but he doesn't see anything wrong with using the toys he bought for his ex!!! He says I'm being silly - am I?

A. No!! Tell you what, why don't you pop her old knickers on and give him a fashion show while you're at it? This isn't so much a hygiene issue (you can wash them - though 'eewwwww' is the key word springing to mind) as a sensitivity issue. He may be deeply practical, and fail to see the point of forking out for new vibes when he's got a whole bunch of perfectly serviceable ones right there. But even the most penny-pinching sex god should be able to grasp that re-using Rabbits is about as arousing as playing their old sex tapes while you get it on. Hang on, he didn't ..... did he?

Q. If my boyfriend wants to use my vibrator anally does it mean he has gay fantasies?

A. Not necessarily. There are plenty of straight men out there who enjoy a bit of anal insertion, so to speak. Don't forget, the male prostate gland (at the base of a man's bladder) is, after all, a highly sensitive erogenous zone - and the only way to stimulate the area internally is anally. For this reason, lots of men like a woman to insert a finger up there during sex, as this can intensify their orgasm. I suppose a vibrator is simply taking things that one step further. Again, the best thing is to be open and discuss it with him. If you're not shocked by the idea and you're up for a bit of experimentation, then there's nothing wrong with it. Equally, if you're just not comfortable with the whole idea, you need to be honest and let him know how you feel.

Q. My work colleague has asked me if I know of a sex toy that is small and discreet enough for her to use when she's working late in the office. What shall I say?

A. Well, yes. I see where she's coming from (behind her desk, by the sounds of things!) A silent model would be much better than a noisy over sized Rabbit, whose buzzing can be a real distraction when you're making important business calls. Might I suggest the Oyster Remote Control vibrator. It's really discreet, quiet, and it comes with its own remote control! Before she gets down to business though, it might be worth pointing out that masturbating in the office is probably a sackable offence - and jobs are very hard to come by these days (pardon the pun).....

Q. I'm a gay guy whose friend wants us to be fuck buddies. I've told her I'm not interested in women sexually, so she's suggesting we just use sex toys on each other. Help.

A. If you're not interested in having sex with a woman, why would using sex toys with her be any different? She obviously fancies you, but its fairly obvious her feelings aren't reciprocated (to me, at least). If you value her friendship, you have to make it clear you're not interested in her sexually - or romantically. Hopefully, she will accept your decision and you can continue your friendship as normal. And she can get jiggy with those sex toys on her own!