Saturday, October 31, 2009

Q. According to my new boyfriend, he and his ex climaxed simultaneously every time they had sex, just through intercourse. I've never been able to come that way - and I always take ages. What if he's expecting me to be as easy to please?

A. It's possible that his ex's well timed orgasms were genuine, but then its also possible that an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite amount of time and Scrabble letters will write the novel War and Peace. The fact that anything's possible doesn't make it any less unlikely. Only a lucky 10% of women occasionally achieve a vaginal (G Spot) orgasm. You, me and the rest of womankind require our lovers to learn a little about the wondrous world of the clitoris. If he's disappointed with how you come, when he should be grateful he's getting sex at all, then send him on his way, and wish him luck - maybe he'll bump into those monkeys! :)


Q. I've always felt pretty good about sex but I've started seeing an older, more experienced woman and I've completely lost the plot. I'm too scared of looking stupid to even try to give her an orgasm and I'm find it really hard to come myself.

A. I bet you've also got a crick in your neck from looking up at her on that pedestal you've put her on - no wonder you're like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Take a deep breath, exhale slowly and get a grip. Your older, more experienced woman is choosing to have sex with you because she's attracted to you, so you've already got something right. Stop expecting so much from yourself. It takes time to build a sexual relationship with someone new and if she's as experienced as you say, she won't be expecting you to physically know all her needs in bed - she'll be expecting to teach you. Of course, that's if you're willing to learn - and we all love a trier! :)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Q. What percentage of women actually ejaculate?

A. Not many women actually ejaculate, or 'squirt', it is incredibly difficult to do, however it is possible, and is a very pleasurable experience. Women are under alot of pressure to be multi orgasmic, and resemble porn stars, and sometimes wonder if this is just another 'trick' we have to perform in the bedroom. Its not. But if you ever want to try it with your understanding partner then please check out this video on Red Tube. Its fascinating to watch and is a 'How To' guide to ejaculation.

There is a link to this video on my other blog http://eroticmistress.blogspot.com/ but I'll put the link on here too, if you don't want to read anything other than this blog.

Don't expect miracles, and expect this to happen everytime you try, it really isn't that easy, but its good fun trying :)

Q. I have very protruding labia and I would like to get them removed but am unsure where to go to make sure it is done properly and if it is very expensive to get it done? I saw it on the TV once and am sure it is common.

This has been a problem for many years now and my partner has only performed oral sex on me twice in a year.

I have become very self conscious and embarrassed - it is causing undue stress in our sex life and we're losing the intimacy we so need. Please can you advise?

A. Please let me reassure you that having inner lips which protrude is perfectly normal. I'd generally say leave well alone, but you're obviously very troubled by this long-standing problem. Have you talked to your partner about your concerns? Maybe it has nothing to do with how your labia look - some guys just aren't into oral sex - regardless of whether your vulva has generous inner labia or everything is hidden.

Before going down the surgery route, do check out the Vulval Health Awareness Campaign website. You can see vulvas of all shapes and sizes on this helpful and informative site - which I think you'll find reassuring. They also have a helpline: 07765 947 599. If you still want to explore the possibility of reduction surgery (labiaplasty) it's essential to do your homework and find the best and most experienced surgeon possible. He should be a registered member of the GMC (General Medical Council) and also BAAPS (the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons).

The op can be carried out under general or local anaesthetic, it takes between one and two hours and you should choose to have it performed somewhere that's registered with the Healthcare Commission (the UK's health watchdog). The inner labia can be reshaped by scalpel or laser. Laser surgery is reputed to be more precise, with less downtime after the op (intercourse isn't recommended until 4-6 weeks after surgery whichever method is used).

Labiaplasty can cost anything between £1250 and £4000. BAAPS has an advice line 020 7405 2234 or go to the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons website. Also visit the cosmetic surgery pages on the Department of Health website where you'll find info on female genital reshaping.

Q. Can you tell me why, when I am ready to climax, I pass wind? I hate it and don't know what's causing it or how to stop it. Any ideas please?

A. I wonder if you’re talking about actually passing wind, or if you mean a queef - which is the odourless trapped air that can escape from your vagina during sex? Rest assured that although it sounds embarrassing, it’s quite normal!

You say it happens when you’re about to climax, and I suspect this is because that’s the moment when you’re completely letting go. Try avoiding doggie position for intercourse, or having your legs in the air, as these tend to let air into the vagina. Your partner should also avoid pulling right out and then thrusting deeply, for the same reason.

But if it is anal gas you mean, then steer clear of spicy or high-fibre foods that cause flatulence, along with carbonated drinks and chewing gum. Reduce the amount of fat in your diet, eat slowly so you don’t swallow too much air and try to go to the loo regularly - especially before making love.

It’s also worth running this by your GP, in case you may be suffering from a common condition called IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). Your doctor will also be able to advise you on the best tablets/medication for reducing wind.