Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Q. I am a 56 year old man who was married until 12 years ago, when I was in an accident and had to have surgery for a back injury. Unfortunately my wife did not take to the change in my mobility circumstances and found somebody else after a while.

I can get a date to meet somebody once, but it seems to go no further. I presume they are put off by my having to use a walking stick. So my question is, how does a disabled man get a girlfriend? I have no sexual problems and enjoy sex. I am reasonably intelligent, I'm educated to university level and not bad looking. I'm friendly and easy to get on with, although a bit shy, but I seem to have no success at all.

A. Its a well known fact that women are not as shallow as men, and I can honestly say this is not an old wives tale. Disabled men find girlfriends all the time, and if you ask the girlfriend of any disabled man whether his disability is a problem, you can guarantee that they will say it never has been. Women do see past the surface, especially if the man is intelligent, sensitive, kind and considerate.

There are many men in this world who don't appreciate the female form, don't appreciate female qualities, and take their women for granted, treating them badly and with no respect. Women, therefore, are looking for more. They are looking to be treated well, to be spoiled, to be respected, to be worshipped, to be romanced and treasured. Any man can do that, disabled or not. Your disability will not get in the way of treating a woman right, and that is what you have to get across to your potential partner.

One huge piece of advice I need to give you is 'Be honest from the outset'. Don't suddenly throw it at your date the minute you meet her. Prepare the woman beforehand, even mention it in your profile, but most definitely in your first conversations. That way you will attract an understanding woman who is not shocked when she meets you. Something men don't seem to grasp is - Women appreciate honesty, complete honesty. We don't like surprises :)

If you want to try internet dating then by all means let me know and send me your profile so I can let you know if you're going wrong at all.

Meeting women doesn't seem to be a problem for you, but like you say, you can't get past the first date, so hopefully if you take my advice but also spend much longer getting to know someone before you meet, chances are you will last longer. I know this is probably not necessary too, but make sure your personal hygiene is spot on, make sure you treat her like a gent when you meet her, and make sure you don't try to push anything too fast, take everything at her pace, and chances are you shall get to date number two in no time. Those are the only reasons I've heard of for a woman not to want to get past the first date.

Let me know how you get on, I'd love to hear of your success, and if you need any more help please mail me xxx


Q. I seem to get all the shallow ones. I have met other men locally who their partners left after they developed a disability. When one has been married and in a relationship it is difficult to go back to quite a solitary life, since I don't have any children.

I have tried internet dating, such as Plentyoffish, but with limited success. I am sure that there are a lot of nice women out there, but I don't seem to meet them. I try to be as honest as I can, I dress smart casual and have a lot of interests and abilities. Do you think I should try to meet women older than me, who might be more appreciative and willing to accept my disability?

A. To be honest I suggest you try a site you have to pay for. Plentyoffish is a free site and as such attracts women who aren't really that serious. If you try a site they have had to pay for then chances are they are actually looking for someone, and genuinely interested. Its a good suggestion trying older, not because they will be grateful :) but because they will be far less shallow than younger ones, and companionship is more important than anything else :)
Q. I hope you can help.

I'm a young looking 44 yr old married man of 20 years, in a sexless marriage. The last time was about 6/7 years ago, I have a high libido and have no problems getting hard. I wank 2-3 times a day.

I love my wife dearly and would never leave her. She has suffered from depression for most of our marriage and has very low self esteem, despite the compliments and encouragement I give her.

She has always had a lower sex drive than me and would be happier without any pressure of sex , even though I would never pressure her. However this doesn't stop me fantasising about other women old or young and i miss the feel of a woman's soft skin touching the most intimate parts, sucking, kissing, licking, and the feel of my cock in a wet pussy. I often look at porn and masturbate to get my kicks but I would like to go the next step and meet someone for no string sex.

Can you give me some advice?

A. I totally understand your problem, and as a mistress I hear the same situation many times over. I feel very sorry for guys who are in a sexless relationship, because it is one of the most pleasurable experiences in the world, but as you say, when there is depression and low self esteem it is very difficult to kick start it. You clearly have a high sex drive, and to some women that will be a blessing and a god send. Wanking 2 - 3 times a day is perfectly normal and no matter how you manage to get yourself turned on, porn etc, it is a great way to take the pressure off your wife, however I do understand the need to feel soft skin and a womans breath, rather than just your hand.

I'm not sure of your financial situation and whether you want to pay for an encounter, either with a professional or on a website. Firstly I'll assume you don't want to pay for anything, and I can suggest a website called It allows you to browse profiles and send winks and message a limited number of people a day. It also has free webcams for you to look at, which might help with the masturbating before you actually find someone to meet. I suggest you don't hide that you are married, and you will be surprised how many women are fine with that, so long as you are upfront and honest about it.

Secondly, if your finances allow it, I can highly recommend the dating site I use, and a lot of men are finding hugely successful in finding a suitable partner who understands the situation, and the essential discretion. The site is called It is specifically for married men looking for a mistress and a discreet relationship. I'm pretty sure you will find someone on there.

And thirdly, if your finances also allow it, I can suggest a professional encounter, if you're not too offended by me saying it, because that guarantees absolutely no complications, no problems with emotions being involved, and of course no way your wife will ever find out. There are many good sites on the internet, depending on where you are based, and if you need any help with this then feel free to mail me back. I would however, initially, suggest looking on dating sites to see if you can find someone suitable who is sympathetic to your situation.

I really hope my advice has helped, and please don't feel guilty about your feelings and needing to look elsewhere, after 7 years it is perfectly acceptable. I feel sorry for the situation your wife is in, but it is very hard to be understanding indefinitely. You are a healthy male with a sex drive that needs satisfying. If you're sensible, discreet and careful there is no reason why you can't satisfy those needs elsewhere without anyone getting hurt.

I wish you lots of luck finding what you need, and please let me know how it goes.