Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Q. I am a 56 year old man who was married until 12 years ago, when I was in an accident and had to have surgery for a back injury. Unfortunately my wife did not take to the change in my mobility circumstances and found somebody else after a while.

I can get a date to meet somebody once, but it seems to go no further. I presume they are put off by my having to use a walking stick. So my question is, how does a disabled man get a girlfriend? I have no sexual problems and enjoy sex. I am reasonably intelligent, I'm educated to university level and not bad looking. I'm friendly and easy to get on with, although a bit shy, but I seem to have no success at all.

A. Its a well known fact that women are not as shallow as men, and I can honestly say this is not an old wives tale. Disabled men find girlfriends all the time, and if you ask the girlfriend of any disabled man whether his disability is a problem, you can guarantee that they will say it never has been. Women do see past the surface, especially if the man is intelligent, sensitive, kind and considerate.

There are many men in this world who don't appreciate the female form, don't appreciate female qualities, and take their women for granted, treating them badly and with no respect. Women, therefore, are looking for more. They are looking to be treated well, to be spoiled, to be respected, to be worshipped, to be romanced and treasured. Any man can do that, disabled or not. Your disability will not get in the way of treating a woman right, and that is what you have to get across to your potential partner.

One huge piece of advice I need to give you is 'Be honest from the outset'. Don't suddenly throw it at your date the minute you meet her. Prepare the woman beforehand, even mention it in your profile, but most definitely in your first conversations. That way you will attract an understanding woman who is not shocked when she meets you. Something men don't seem to grasp is - Women appreciate honesty, complete honesty. We don't like surprises :)

If you want to try internet dating then by all means let me know and send me your profile so I can let you know if you're going wrong at all.

Meeting women doesn't seem to be a problem for you, but like you say, you can't get past the first date, so hopefully if you take my advice but also spend much longer getting to know someone before you meet, chances are you will last longer. I know this is probably not necessary too, but make sure your personal hygiene is spot on, make sure you treat her like a gent when you meet her, and make sure you don't try to push anything too fast, take everything at her pace, and chances are you shall get to date number two in no time. Those are the only reasons I've heard of for a woman not to want to get past the first date.

Let me know how you get on, I'd love to hear of your success, and if you need any more help please mail me xxx


Q. I seem to get all the shallow ones. I have met other men locally who their partners left after they developed a disability. When one has been married and in a relationship it is difficult to go back to quite a solitary life, since I don't have any children.

I have tried internet dating, such as Plentyoffish, but with limited success. I am sure that there are a lot of nice women out there, but I don't seem to meet them. I try to be as honest as I can, I dress smart casual and have a lot of interests and abilities. Do you think I should try to meet women older than me, who might be more appreciative and willing to accept my disability?

A. To be honest I suggest you try a site you have to pay for. Plentyoffish is a free site and as such attracts women who aren't really that serious. If you try a site they have had to pay for then chances are they are actually looking for someone, and genuinely interested. Its a good suggestion trying older, not because they will be grateful :) but because they will be far less shallow than younger ones, and companionship is more important than anything else :)

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