Friday, September 25, 2009

Q. Every time we go out, my bloke stares at other women, as if hes searching for eye candy - with me there beside him! Other than this, we have a trusting relationship and I love him. Whenever I try to talk to him about this, he gets annoyed and says I'm overreacting. Am I? Or am I right to be upset?

A. It seems to me its not his roving eye that's the basic malfunction - its his reluctance to keep that roving eye in check, even though it upsets you. His overdoing of the flirty looks suggests his ego needs a little TLC. Talk to him - not about what he does that makes you feel bad - but about what he does that makes you feel wonderful. Also, try explaining that its precisely because you love him that his ogling distresses you, and ask him to stop. Be gentle and sincere, and don't accuse. You want his understanding this time, not a row!

Q. I lost my temper when my boyfriend didn't pick me up when he said he would (as I don't drive) and he texted me to say it was over. I don't want to lose him, as I love him so much, but he's now asked me if I'll still sleep with him. Friends say he just wants to use me and to forget him. What shall I do?

A. Believe me, I'm a friend, so I'll make this short and sweet. He just wants to use you. Forget him!! Learn to drive as soon as you can, then head off to fun places, where you can meet plenty of fun new people :)

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Q. My girlfriend bullies me in bed. She's like a sergeant major, barking orders all the time. I try to please her but she's so demanding, its demoralising. Why can't she let me take control now and again?

A. Ok, there's a thin line between assertive and bossy, but has it occurred to you that there is an equally thin line between accommodating and a wuss? :)

Most women want a confident, assertive lover who isn't afraid to take control, that's take control, not ask permission for it. Sex is a power game and if you want to play you have to be prepared to take a considered risk. Decide to play the game your way for once and let her know by being firm and clear with your instructions that you're in charge this time. Try tying her hands to the bed as a symbol of intent. If she keeps talking, occupy her mouth - I'm sure you'll come up with something! :)

Q. I'm having a cyber affair. It started out as harmless flirting but now I'm totally sexed up and addicted. My boyfriend's thrilled that our sex life is suddenly so great, but he doesn't know why. I'm not being unfaithful, so how come I feel so guilty?

A. Because to some degree you are being unfaithful and you realise that. Fidelity isn't just about keeping your hands out of someone else's pants, its a line we draw that separates how we behave with others and what we keep 'just between the two of us'. It can vary where that line is in all of us, but I'm guessing that what you're sharing with your screen buddy crosses your line. Guilt is our conscience speaking, ignore it and it just gets louder. If you discovered your man was having regular 'cyber sex' with a girl he met in a chat room, would you be happy?

I understand that its a sexy, new type of fun, but why keep it all to yourself? Do some sexy surfing together and get hot, without feeling guilty. There are lots of places to look for fun together.

Q. I have a high-sex drive but am not that experienced sexually. Whenever I have sex I find that I come pretty quickly, the first time. Subsequent times its a little better. Any advice, help on what I can do to improve? What is a normal length of time a man should last from the point of entering?

A. There is no 'normal' length of time for a man to be in a woman, what is 'normal' anyway?

Men I have personal experience of have ranged from a matter of a few seconds to several hours. Normal is a dreadful word, and we should always do what suits us and makes us feel good. If you're pleasing your partner before you enter her, then trust me she will not care how long you are in. However, if you are banging away for hours but not bothering with foreplay then she will be bored and, sorry to be blunt, sore!

Delay sprays genuinely do work if used properly, so that is an option. Can I recommend to find one. Read the reviews and pick a good one that is proven to work.

Also there is the squeeze technique that genuinely does work if you want to prolong your orgasm.

The Squeeze Technique

1. Begin sexual activity as usual, including stimulation of the penis, until you feel almost ready to ejaculate.

2. Have your partner squeeze the end of your penis, at the point where the head joins the shaft, and maintain the squeeze for several seconds, until the urge to ejaculate passes.

3. After the squeeze is released, wait for about 30 seconds, and then go back to foreplay. You may notice that squeezing the penis causes it to become less erect, but when sexual stimulation is resumed, it soon regains full erection.

4. If you again feel you're about to ejaculate, have your partner repeat the squeeze process.

Repeat this as many times as necessary, because you will reach the point of entering your partner without ejaculating. Remember practice makes perfect and after a few practice sessions, the feeling of knowing how to delay ejaculation will become a habit that no longer requires the squeeze technique.

Another possibility to prolong your performance is practicing while you are masturbating. When you feel the need to come then stop what you're doing. Also there are ways to control it while you are doing it yourself, by contracting your pelvic floor muscles. You will know which muscles they are if you try to stop yourself when you go to the toilet to pee. If you increase the number of times you contract and release them during the day (and you can do it while you are at work!) :) then you can control your orgasm too.

And lastly stop thinking about it, and how your performance is, because, as surprising as it sounds, women don't take note of these things, if they are satisfied, and you are a generous, considerate lover, then they won't notice how long you are in them. Trust me.