Q. My girlfriend bullies me in bed. She's like a sergeant major, barking orders all the time. I try to please her but she's so demanding, its demoralising. Why can't she let me take control now and again?

A. Ok, there's a thin line between assertive and bossy, but has it occurred to you that there is an equally thin line between accommodating and a wuss? :)

Most women want a confident, assertive lover who isn't afraid to take control, that's take control, not ask permission for it. Sex is a power game and if you want to play you have to be prepared to take a considered risk. Decide to play the game your way for once and let her know by being firm and clear with your instructions that you're in charge this time. Try tying her hands to the bed as a symbol of intent. If she keeps talking, occupy her mouth - I'm sure you'll come up with something! :)

Q. My boyfriend is actually too considerate in bed. He fiddles about so much, nibbling me on the neck and taking ages to enter me when I just want to get down to it.

A. The solution? Surprise him by taking the initiative. Next time you see him jump start the sex, be ready and waiting in sexy underwear, push him on the bed and rip his shirt open. Pull his zip down and get to work on him. Being on top shows him you enjoy 'action', but you must get him to join in too. Ask him to play with your nipples, to kiss you harder, to take what he wants. The trick is to heat things up in whatever way possible but not make him feel like Barry Boring when it comes to sex by complaining about it. If you don't let him dictate the lovemaking style all the time, he should soon get the message, and might actually enjoy the occasional quickie.