Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Q. I hope you can help.

I'm a young looking 44 yr old married man of 20 years, in a sexless marriage. The last time was about 6/7 years ago, I have a high libido and have no problems getting hard. I wank 2-3 times a day.

I love my wife dearly and would never leave her. She has suffered from depression for most of our marriage and has very low self esteem, despite the compliments and encouragement I give her.

She has always had a lower sex drive than me and would be happier without any pressure of sex , even though I would never pressure her. However this doesn't stop me fantasising about other women old or young and i miss the feel of a woman's soft skin touching the most intimate parts, sucking, kissing, licking, and the feel of my cock in a wet pussy. I often look at porn and masturbate to get my kicks but I would like to go the next step and meet someone for no string sex.

Can you give me some advice?

A. I totally understand your problem, and as a mistress I hear the same situation many times over. I feel very sorry for guys who are in a sexless relationship, because it is one of the most pleasurable experiences in the world, but as you say, when there is depression and low self esteem it is very difficult to kick start it. You clearly have a high sex drive, and to some women that will be a blessing and a god send. Wanking 2 - 3 times a day is perfectly normal and no matter how you manage to get yourself turned on, porn etc, it is a great way to take the pressure off your wife, however I do understand the need to feel soft skin and a womans breath, rather than just your hand.

I'm not sure of your financial situation and whether you want to pay for an encounter, either with a professional or on a website. Firstly I'll assume you don't want to pay for anything, and I can suggest a website called It allows you to browse profiles and send winks and message a limited number of people a day. It also has free webcams for you to look at, which might help with the masturbating before you actually find someone to meet. I suggest you don't hide that you are married, and you will be surprised how many women are fine with that, so long as you are upfront and honest about it.

Secondly, if your finances allow it, I can highly recommend the dating site I use, and a lot of men are finding hugely successful in finding a suitable partner who understands the situation, and the essential discretion. The site is called It is specifically for married men looking for a mistress and a discreet relationship. I'm pretty sure you will find someone on there.

And thirdly, if your finances also allow it, I can suggest a professional encounter, if you're not too offended by me saying it, because that guarantees absolutely no complications, no problems with emotions being involved, and of course no way your wife will ever find out. There are many good sites on the internet, depending on where you are based, and if you need any help with this then feel free to mail me back. I would however, initially, suggest looking on dating sites to see if you can find someone suitable who is sympathetic to your situation.

I really hope my advice has helped, and please don't feel guilty about your feelings and needing to look elsewhere, after 7 years it is perfectly acceptable. I feel sorry for the situation your wife is in, but it is very hard to be understanding indefinitely. You are a healthy male with a sex drive that needs satisfying. If you're sensible, discreet and careful there is no reason why you can't satisfy those needs elsewhere without anyone getting hurt.

I wish you lots of luck finding what you need, and please let me know how it goes.

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