Q.

I am the husband, married for 27 years, bored, miserable, the usual story. I love my wife dearly but I am missing the thrill that I had all those years ago. My problem seems to be having the bottle to look for someone new, having the confidence to do so and knowing where to look. I'd love to hear how guys usually find their new lover, or their balls!

A.

After many years of dating married men, I have found them in various different places. If a man is sure he wants to have an affair, and has thought about his circumstances and if he can actually fit another woman into his life, then he is ready to take the first step.

Firstly - Having the bottle - If you have got as far as looking on the Internet for subjects relating to affairs then you clearly have put a lot of thought into it. The fact that you are considering it and actively starting to look (or find where to look) means you are on the road. You're certainly not still in the garage unable to start the engine. You're moving and heading towards your first affair. As a newbie then you will need some serious advice to make sure you don't get caught, and ensure you find the right woman. Have a good think about exactly what you need and why you need it, is it the emotional connection you're missing, the friendship or plain and simple, the sex? Then of course you can email me again for more advice.

Secondly - Having the confidence to look elsewhere - The fact that you're not sitting in your shed shaking but you are considering an affair means you clearly have some self confidence. You will be surprised when you start looking around, women are not as shallow as men, they are not 'looks obsessed', they appreciate many more qualities and see past the initial exterior view.

Naturally its better for you if you're not looking like Neanderthal man, hairy, knuckles dragging on the floor, smelling like you bathe once a year, and grunting at every opportunity, but I assume in this day and age men like that are a dying breed :)

Think about what qualities you liked or loved about yourself when you first met your wife, about how you were many years ago. You're still the same person inside. You might have spread a little round the middle, you may have become a grumpy old man, but inside you're still the exciting, passionate, enthusiastic, vibrant man you used to be, with a love of music, or a passion for sports, or even a dreamer who likes to lie in fields on a summers day making pictures from the clouds. Whatever your qualities are, some of them, if not all of them, will be attractive to women. Work on them, fine tune them, and remember the man you used to be.

Most of all - BE A GENTLEMAN - Women will kill for that :)

Thirdly - Where to find it - Never stray too close to home - or shit on your own doorstep, as I like to call it :) Don't look for a lover at work - too complicated, or amongst your circle of friends - too dangerous, or within 10 miles of your house (at least) - too risky.

Look somewhere like the Internet - http://www.illicitencounters.co.uk/ - is definitely one of the best available, for serious affairs, flings, no strings attached fun etc. But make sure you follow their tips about how to fill in your profile and how to stay safe.

Other options include other dating websites available on the net, it all depends on your budget, but one thing I can't stress enough is make sure you're honest. Don't hide behind a person you'd like to be, because when it comes to meeting for real, women can spot a fake a mile off and that's just a wasted journey for everyone.

Be yourself, be confident and be positive.

She's out there for you, trust me, I'm a mistress :)