Q.

My lover and I are having a fantastic time, or so I thought. He loves to see me, and tries so hard to get away from his wife. Its great fun, we have lots of laughs and lots of sex. We are new to this so we are still getting used to each other. When we first got together I told him I'd played with a woman many moons ago. I'd had a 4 some with my partner at the time. I didn't think anything was wrong with being honest and open about my sexuality but I'm wishing I hadn't mentioned it now. He seems obsessed with it, its all he can talk about and now, when we get together, he's pushing me to find another woman or couple to play with. I know he's never done it and wants to try it, but its getting boring now, its like I'm not enough!

Help!!


A.

OH my, men and their fantasies, and when a woman is open and honest enough to tell about these things they have to obsess about it. Give them an inch....... ! :)

Anyway, if you're not in a rush to do this, or anything else you may have discussed, you have to tell him. He has to be patient with you. There are a million things you can do together before you start introducing new people into your relationship. I can understand, as he is married, that he has probably been experiencing fairly boring sex for a very long time, and a new, exciting mistress who is open and adventurous will be blowing his mind, and it can become addictive. However, he needs to respect your wishes and respect your boundaries, and understand that good things come to those who wait.

A 4 some can be great fun, and men do love the idea. They love the idea of a 3 some even more because then its 'all about him', but if you're not ready for either of those then tell him. He will not be able to shake that image from his head because its something he's been dreaming of for well over half of his life but if he doesn't respect your wishes, or is not satisfied by what you both currently do, then you might need to rethink your relationship. Ask him to not talk about it so much, if he's turned on by the thought of it then that's ok, and its flattering knowing he's thinking of you (and whoever) and its arousing him, but thinking about it and talking about it/doing it are completely different things.

In time, who knows what might happen and what you might want to do, but certainly in the initial rush of excitement he should be concentrating on you, not trying to include everyone he can think of :)

If you're open and honest enough to tell him about this in the first place, then I'm pretty sure you're open and honest enough to tell him to shut up until you bring the subject up again!

Good luck with it and you know where I am if it doesn't work. I'll have a word with him :)