Monday, November 23, 2009

Q. I've been with my boyfriend for six months and my constant 'thinking' is ruining the relationship. I wonder if he's seeing someone else, if he's right for me, if I can trust him. It makes me want to end it because I can't handle the misery. My boyfriend's patient, and doesn't want us to split up, but I just can't enjoy myself as things are.

A. What counts is what we're thinking about and where our thoughts are leading us. Your thoughts start with the bad idea, probably instilled from early on in your life, that you're not worthy of devotion and happiness. Thus, you're unable to trust a good relationship and you find yourself driven to destroy it. To be honest you're not thinking at all. You're feeling, and you're feeling bad. Do more fun things with your boyfriend, go to new places and involve yourselves in new ideas beyond your relationship. But, more importantly, do new things on your own - get busy. To fill the hours with learning, planning and real thinking leaves no time for moping.

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