Q. I've been with my boyfriend for three years, we're both 28. He says he fancies me and finds me sexy but, after the initial period of lust, he seems to have a much lower libido than me. He had testicular cancer as a teenager but says he was never really bothered about it. I love him but I don't want a sexless relationship. I've tried to tell him I'd like more sex. We're planning to live together but I'm confused.
A. He'd barely arrived at an age to express and enjoy healthy lust when cancer struck him in the organ of his newly matured manhood. He tells you he was 'never really bothered' about having cancer? Of course he was! And now that he's in a relationship and responsible for someone elses pleasure as well, don't you think he must be bothered again? One of the side effects of testicular cancer can be loss of libido. Talk to him - not about yourself and your sexual needs. Lead him gently back to the youthful trauma he tries to brush aside - perhaps he'll at last be able to express his fears about his long-term virility. Then urge him to contact Macmillan Cancer Support (0808 808 0000 or www.macmillan.org.uk).
2 years ago