Q.   I secretly enjoy looking at bondage and S and M porn sites.  I plucked up the courage to share this with my boyfriend and he totally overreacted.  He said it left him cold and if he wasn't enough for me, I should go!!  I do want more - but I want it with him. 


A.   Look at it from his angle - he thought he knew how to please you in bed, then you announce your tastes are far more exotic than the boring sex he has with you.  Not only that, you've been getting off on watching other men perform.  What did you expect, 'No problem, I'll start that spanking right away, Mistress'?  His pride is hurt and he needs some reassurance.  Tell him you love having sex with him and that all you want to do is build on it together.  Your honesty took courage.  Just give him a minute to take it all in.