Q.   I keep cheating on my boyfriend.  It's like I can't say no but I hate myself after.  Mostly they're one-offs, so I tell myself it's OK as he won't find out, but deep down I know it's not.  I feel so guilty.  I love him, so why can't I stop? 


A.   What we do says more about what we want than what we say we want.  You say you want to stop cheating but the fact that you continue to do it anyway speaks volumes as to how you really feel.  You may say you love your boyfriend but your behaviour suggests you're looking for a way out.  Ending a relationship is hard, so hard that it can seem easier to force our partner into a position where they have to do the dumping.  It's called constructive dismissal.  Give him the relationship he wants or free him to find it with someone else before your guilt destroys you both.