Monday, April 23, 2012

Q.    My new guy met my friends a few weeks ago, and I expected them to get along great.  While my girlfriends have said nice things, I get the sense that they really don't approve.  Plus my boyfriend has strangely 'had plans' whenever I've suggested group outings since then.  I want to date someone who gets along with my friends.  Is there anything I can do to get him to give it another shot?

A.  I'm sure your friends are very nice.  But it sounds like you kinda fed your boyfriend to the wolves.  I don't blame him for not wanting to serve them seconds.  Meeting all your girls at once must have been totally overwhelming for him.  He probably could have navigated that situation with help from you but since you 'expected' him and your friends to get along, you probably didn't give him too much.  Plus, your boyfriend isn't stupid.  He knows it's a big deal to meet your gang and that it didn't go well.  Now he's just trying to avoid a repeat performance.  As you point out, it's important for the person you date to get along with the people you care about - so you need to fix things, as soon as possible.  Make sure your friends know how happy he makes you so that they keep an open mind, and apologise to your boyfriend for tossing a friend grenade at him - it'll reinforce that it was the situation, not the people, that he disliked.  Finally, ask one laid back friend to meet the two of you for a drink.  It'll be much easier for your guy to relax and open up, and once he knows he connects with one of your friends, he'll be much more willing to get to know the rest.

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