Q. My girlfriend closes her eyes during foreplay until she comes. She says it helps her concentrate, but it makes me feel like her sex-toy - I'm doing all the work but not sharing in her orgasm. I look at her when I am, so why won't she look at me?

A. I have no idea of the official national figure - if there is one - but according to a quick survey I took of my friends, only two women said they regularly kept their eyes open. Men are visually stimulated by the raw action, so what's playing out right in front of them is usually enough. But women are more likely to be triggered by something, such as a scenario, in their imagination. She could be imagining you having sex with her on a train or dressed as Superman, or maybe both. What she pictures is entirely personal and is no way a reflection on you. You're the conductor and the orchestra - without you its just a silent movie with no passion. Have a little faith. She's there with you - are you willing to be there with her ?