Q. I'm useless with men's bits. My oral's so bad, I once sent a guy to sleep and my hand jobs are always criticised as too rough (I made one bleed), too fast or too slow. Are there any basic rules?

A. You've had some awful experiences - possibly not all your fault - so I'm not surprised you feel unskilled. Learning how to please a man is simple: ask him. Treating it as a guessing game can be dangerously hit and miss (and more bad guesses could further dent your confidence). Or simply listen for his clues ('slow down', 'firmer', 'gently', 'faster', etc. are directions not criticisms). His penis gets hurt easily; he needs to know he's safe in your hands. Be gentle but firm. Take your time. Watch, listen and learn. If you tell him you want him to teach you properly it can turn into a very erotic game. Ask him to masturbate for you, take note of where he puts his hand, the speed, his technique. If you can emulate that to some degree then you're definitely on to a winner, and he will enjoy the game of teaching you.