Q. I'm married and exhausted most of the time. Should I go for hot chocolate or kama sutra at bedtime?

A. Both, it is possible to have security and eroticism in a relationship, but not at the same time. You will spill your hot chocolate :) Keeping the spark alive against the backdrop of your chores and responsibilities is a challenge. Plan for romance rather than passively hoping for the flames to re-ignite. Spontaneity is a fabulous idea, but in an ongoing relationship, whatever is 'just going to happen' already has. Reconciling the domestic and the erotic isn't a problem to solve, but a paradox to manage. Book time for both of you to enjoy each other again. No matter how busy our lives get we can all plan ahead for these things. Make it happen, and the rest of the time, put some marshmallows in your hot chocolate too :)