Q. My new man is 10 years younger than me and the sex is great. He loves trying new things and I love teaching him. The problem is, I'd like him to take control and be more intimate and tender. It's not something you can teach, is it?

A. You can't teach it but you can give it a chance to develop. Intimacy means being honest with someone about who you are, and my guess is that it's not him who's blocking the path to tender, shared loving - it's you. You've been playing the Mrs Robinson game; you experienced seductress, him wide-eyed virgin. That's a very powerful role and unlikely to make him feel like an equal. If you want him to take charge, you have to let go of the reins. Stop seeing him as an over-excited puppy. Treat him like a man you respect and you might be surprised to find that, for once, more than just his erection grows between you.