A. If you don't like it, don't put up with it. He might think this is what you like, or this is what men should do. Tell him what you do enjoy, how you like to go down on him, and that when he's rough it spoils the moment for you. He should get the message, but, if not, stop each time he holds your head or thrusts. This should be something that turns you both on.
Q. I'm massively worried about my new man going down on me. I'm self-conscious about how wet I am when aroused. Will he be put off? And what is normal?
A. Getting wet during sex is normal and a sign you're enjoying it. Some women get more moist than others, and you can get wetter at different times of the month, or depending on how turned on you are. He won't mind, in fact, part of the turn-on for him will be the chance to taste you. Men have erections so we know they are turned on. Women don't - so wetness is his indicator that he's doing something right. He'll love it.
Q. My bloke doesn't like going down on me and it's making me paranoid about the way I look and smell. How can I find out if it's me or him, or should I just give up?
A. Be brave - say you've heard some men don't like oral, while others might like to try but are scared they'll do it wrong. This gives him the opportunity to tell you if he's not into it, or if he'd like to experiment. Explain how it's affecting your confidence so he can reassure you. All genitals have an odour and this turns on some people, but washing before oral will help make you feel confident.
Q. My new bloke's well endowed and I find it hard to give him a good blowjob. How can I work on my gag reflex and 'handling' him?
A. Unless you get turned on by deep-throating, I'd be worried about you having to work on your gag reflex. Instead, there are other techniques you can use, including licking his penis, using your hands and mouth, and not taking him too deep. A good blowjob is something you discover together, so get him to tell you what he likes to see if you're comfortable with it. To give him the sensation of much deeper penetration, follow my tips on using your hand together with your lips.
Q. My man loves going down on me, but my mind always wanders. I don't see what all the fuss is about. How can I stay in the zone and get the most out of it?
A. If your mind wanders because he's changed what you were enjoying, tell him. Fantasising or talking dirty while he goes down on you can enhance how you feel. Not all women enjoy long oral sex sessions, so if you want him to switch to something else, then say. Some women orgasm through oral sex, but not all do. It doesn't mean you can't enjoy it, but only for as long as it's turning you on.
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