Q. I'm really disturbed by my fantasies. In real life I like gentle, loving sex, but when I masturbate, I think about being tied up and forced to do things with horrible strangers - men and women. This isn't normal, is it?

A. Few people, if answering honestly, would say their sexual fantasies were of the fuzzy, romantic type - we can have that in real life, so what would be the point? Fantasies tell a story about our darker desires and, as long as they stay in our heads, can do no harm. Our sexual thoughts are a collection of images we've been absorbing from the world since early childhood, often subconsciously, so it's impossible to say exactly why we're really turned on by something. Bondage is about submission, humiliation and exhibitionism - popular fantasy themes for women. So in answer to your question, your sex fantasies are entirely normal and are only disturbing if you allow them to disturb you.