Friday, August 6, 2010

Q. Six months ago, I got involved with a 35 year old man. I knew he was seeing someone but he won me over with all the attention and, to be honest, the great sex. After two months he confessed that, not only was he seeing someone, but he was also engaged to her and she was expecting their child. By then we were really close and I didn't want to lose him. Even though they're now married, he promises me we'll be together. I'm about to go abroad with work - would I be foolish to hope he'll leave his wife soon?

A. Yes, you would be foolish to hope he leaves his wife soon. You would be foolish to hope he'll leave his wife at all! Any man that 'gets close' to one woman while engaged to another who is pregnant with his child is certainly not a good candidate for lasting love. Unfortunately, knowing her hope to be foolish never stopped any woman hoping; on the contrary, this wishful thinking accounts for a large percentage of misery. If he was going to leave he would have chosen to do it before he signed the marriage certificate. He married her but chose to keep you hanging around, would you really want to be with a man who could be so cruel? While you're abroad, try to communicate with your lover as little as possible - or not at all if you're really smart. In the meantime, take advantage of the new job, new culture and new people you'll meet. Please don't end up making a fool of yourself for this man who's definitely not good enough for either of the women who are waiting on him.

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