Saturday, August 14, 2010

Q. My ex made me feel ugly and worthless, and cheated on me. Now I'm with a nice guy but I'm possessive and jealous. I compare myself to everyone and I feel horrible. Whenever we go out I think he's looking at other women and it ends in tears. Please help - its ruining us.

A. Two truths about chronic jealousy; first, it's a barometer of low self-esteem. You think you're worthless so how can you ever believe a partner should - or will - value you? Second, jealousy gets what it expects. Constantly accused of infidelity, your partner eventually shrugs and says, 'What the hell!' Your jealousy springs from the little girl within who didn't think she deserved to be loved and hasn't yet learnt to love herself. Help her grow up. Change your style, your hobbies, maybe even your job. Doing creative and absorbing things will make you think better of yourself. Design a productive and proud new you. And if you need help, don't be too shy to seek out supportive counselling.

1 comment:

  1. Five years ago I was the person you are, three years ago I felt so low I tried to kill myself. Today, I am that rebuilt new person. It really only takes the smallest of changes in the beginning, really tiny steps. The cumulative effect is massive. I still have the odd wobble from time to time and I consider myself an on-going project. But small steps, just remember that's all you need. Good luck :-)