Monday, November 8, 2010

Q. I am a FAT person. There are many words that sound nicer but, at the end of the day, I'm 19, size 24 and FAT. I'm desperate to look fashionable when I'm out with my friends, but I just look silly when I try. I was size 16 when I met my fiance - he can't even get his arms around me any more. I've now told him I can no longer have sex with him because I'm too embarrassed in bed. Help!

A. You're a bright, healthy, young person, with friends and a man who loves you. You also happen to be fat. So what? Who cares? You do. Of all the amazing things you are, you choose to define yourself as fat. Take a good look at yourself - the one who lives inside the body you see as a prison. What are you so scared of that it makes you use your body as an excuse to avoid facing down fears and facing real desires? Are you so afraid of failing that you've fixed it so you can't even try? Are you so scared of rejection that you've decided to reject yourself first? Are you afraid of love? Of sex? Counselling will help you lose weight but, more importantly, it will help you find yourself. Being overweight brings health risks, so your doctor is an ally, not a judge. Weight Watchers or Slimming World also offer support. You can do it. You just have to believe in yourself first, and want it.

1 comment:

  1. I know this post is really old, but I had to reply because I need this girl to hear what I have to say! I too am fat, there is no point trying to be euphemistic when you're a size 28. But I have news for you: it doesn't have to matter! I know you can spend ages feeling awful about it, I've felt bad for years, but then I had an epiphany, and I have to share it with all the other fat girls out there. Not everyone cares. Sure, some people will always be bastards, but your friends, and more importantly, your fiancee, love you. They honestly don't care what you look like, you wouldn't expect them to love you any less if you suddenly had a terrible disfigurement, and they won't love you any less because you're fat. Yes, it can be a health risk, and yes, it would be ideal to lose it and not have to think about it at all. But until you can get there (and it is so hard, so don't panic if you can't), stop worrying about it. Again, easier said than done, but you have to remember that you're what's important, not your appearance.