Thursday, February 25, 2010

Q. Three months ago I moved hundreds of miles to live with my boyfriend of more than a year. I love him and I know he loves me, but I need constant reassurance, otherwise I think he's gone off me. I have nightmares that he's cheating on me and then I wake up really upset. When I tell him, he gets really hurt. What can I do?

A. On the surface it sounds as if you're jealous, but I suspect the dreams haven't much to do with jealousy at all. So before these nightmares spoil the good thing you two have, try to find the true source of your anxiety. Could it be you're trying to avoid admitting to yourself you feel homesick and isolated? You are in a new town, and that makes you dependent on your boyfriend for your social life and daily contacts. If he lets you down - that's a real nightmare scenario. But that won't happen if you make a life of your own. Have you got a job yet? Have you made friends of your own locally? Have you sussed out where the fun is? You are an explorer in a new country; your boyfriend is a guide. But what you make of the adventure is up to you.

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