Saturday, February 27, 2010

Q. My fiancee is very sexually experienced but she's never had an orgasm. Whenever I ask her how I can help or try to talk about it, she gets angry. I know she gets close to cumming sometimes but then she'll just stop me.

A. Why has her lack of orgasmic ability become such a frustration for you? Is it because you love her so much that you want her to experience sex fully and wholly or is it because it reflects on you as a lover? A woman's orgasm is a release of tension, just like a man's, but while a man's is triggered physically, a woman's is triggered mentally. Pressuring her to cum just to please you is unlikely to be the trigger she's looking for. Maybe I'm judging you unfairly and you simply want to know if there's anything you can do. If you want to help, back away from her orgasm and let her deal with it in her own time and in her own way. Another option is buying a selection of toys for her to experiment with, alone, so she's not under any pressure to perform for you. Once you give them to her, shut up about them, don't constantly ask how they are working for her. If you take the pressure away, she will find her own way through this problem.

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