Q. I recently found out that my boyfriend once had sex with a prostitute. It was years before he met me and he says he has no desire to do it again, but I'm disgusted with him. I don't understand why he needed to pay for sex - its not as if he's ugly.

A. As soon as boys hit puberty, we make them work hard for every bit of sexual attention they get. We tell them they have to be funny, charming, have money in their pockets, dress well, be strong yet gentle, and be keen but not too keen. If they obey all the rules, we might let them get to first base. Most men experience a high rejection rate that takes its toll on their egos. Prostitutes appear to offer a simple money-for-sex transaction, cutting out all the hard work, the games and the risk of rejection or ridicule. But the reality is cold, empty and meaningless, which is probably why he never repeated the experience. We all make mistakes - is your sexual history whiter than white? You should be grateful that he feels comfortable enough to tell you about it, and is an honest man, they are rare, and that is far more important than a mistake in his past that he clearly didn't want to repeat.

Q. I've bagged an incredibly good-looking man, but while the sight of him has me trembling, his bedroom performance is a real let-down. We've had sex six times but he hasn't touched me once - in fact, there's no foreplay from him at all; he just gets right down to it.

A. I don't know what's more outrageous - that he thinks he can get away with using you like his own right hand, or that you're allowing yourself to be screwed in more senses than one! You have a right to be treated as a sexual equal. If you lie there happy to be grateful for nothing, you give up the right to complain. No wonder good-looking men think they can get away with behaving badly if we're so willing to overlook things we'd never let less handsome men get away with. Show yourself more respect and you may find you start to command his!

Q. I'm rubbish at 'girl on top'. I can't get a rhythm going, my legs get tired or cramp up and I often get a shooting pain when the penis reaches the top of my vagina. Also, I get embarrassed when I'm being watched. I know men like it but I fall to pieces and feel stupid.

A. You're self-conscious and unsure - and calling yourself 'rubbish' will only make that worse. What makes you think being good on top is about having the ability to bounce up and down like a cowgirl on a bucking bronco? If you're comparing yourself to porn actresses, don't! Most of them are like muscle-bound Barbie dolls with retractable rubber limbs, whose only purpose is to please a man - they bear little resemblance to real women in terms of sexual performance. Try focusing on your pleasure rather than his - most men love this position because they get to watch you helping yourself to their bodies. If you're on top, you're in charge - move as slowly and as deeply as you want, and look into his eyes, you'll drive him wild!! If your legs start to ache then move, good sex thrives on variety, and that means positions, no position should make you ache, move around, use all the positions, and keep coming back to 'girl on top'. The variety will drive him just as wild!! :)

Q. My boyfriend and I had a fantastic sex life. He used to be dominant in bed, which I loved but the sex has gone downhill since he moved in with me. He says it's because I nag, but I nag because he's useless around the house. Its an awful situation.

A. Us girls talk about how we want tall, strong, sexy alpha males who will throw us over their shoulders and ravish us. AND we expect them to be caring metrosexual men who will vacuum without being asked. Good luck with that! Your sex life doesn't exist in a bubble away from the nagging. How's your man supposed to feel confident about mastering you in bed when he knows that you think he's useless? Living together changes relationship dynamics and it can take time to adjust. In the meantime, book a sexy weekend away in a hotel and remember why you wanted to live together in the first place! :)

Q. I love sex and I like to think I'm pretty good at it - I'm energetic, enthusiastic and extremely adventurous. So why is it that once I've slept with a guy I never see him again? I don't get it - I thought men were supposed to like uninhibited women!

A. Just like us, what men think they want and what they actually want can be worlds apart. The girl without inhibitions is in most men's top 10 sexual fantasies - she'll have sex with the light on, she walks around naked, she's not afraid to take charge, she's up for anything and she says what she wants. What's not to like? The reality is that a lot of men feel uncomfortable when they find themselves face to face with a woman as confident as you in bed - especially on a one night stand. Most men prefer to take the lead in bed initially - it makes them feel in control - and it sounds as though maybe you feel that way too. I know this is a bit 'out there' but have you tried getting to know a guy a little first? :)

Q. According to my new boyfriend, he and his ex climaxed simultaneously every time they had sex, just through intercourse. I've never been able to come that way - and I always take ages. What if he's expecting me to be as easy to please?

A. It's possible that his ex's well timed orgasms were genuine, but then its also possible that an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite amount of time and Scrabble letters will write the novel War and Peace. The fact that anything's possible doesn't make it any less unlikely. Only a lucky 10% of women occasionally achieve a vaginal (G Spot) orgasm. You, me and the rest of womankind require our lovers to learn a little about the wondrous world of the clitoris. If he's disappointed with how you come, when he should be grateful he's getting sex at all, then send him on his way, and wish him luck - maybe he'll bump into those monkeys! :)

Q. I've always felt pretty good about sex but I've started seeing an older, more experienced woman and I've completely lost the plot. I'm too scared of looking stupid to even try to give her an orgasm and I'm find it really hard to come myself.

A. I bet you've also got a crick in your neck from looking up at her on that pedestal you've put her on - no wonder you're like a rabbit caught in the headlights. Take a deep breath, exhale slowly and get a grip. Your older, more experienced woman is choosing to have sex with you because she's attracted to you, so you've already got something right. Stop expecting so much from yourself. It takes time to build a sexual relationship with someone new and if she's as experienced as you say, she won't be expecting you to physically know all her needs in bed - she'll be expecting to teach you. Of course, that's if you're willing to learn - and we all love a trier! :)

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Q. I have very protruding labia and I would like to get them removed but am unsure where to go to make sure it is done properly and if it is very expensive to get it done? I saw it on the TV once and am sure it is common.

This has been a problem for many years now and my partner has only performed oral sex on me twice in a year.

I have become very self conscious and embarrassed - it is causing undue stress in our sex life and we're losing the intimacy we so need. Please can you advise?

A. Please let me reassure you that having inner lips which protrude is perfectly normal. I'd generally say leave well alone, but you're obviously very troubled by this long-standing problem. Have you talked to your partner about your concerns? Maybe it has nothing to do with how your labia look - some guys just aren't into oral sex - regardless of whether your vulva has generous inner labia or everything is hidden.

Before going down the surgery route, do check out the Vulval Health Awareness Campaign website. You can see vulvas of all shapes and sizes on this helpful and informative site - which I think you'll find reassuring. They also have a helpline: 07765 947 599. If you still want to explore the possibility of reduction surgery (labiaplasty) it's essential to do your homework and find the best and most experienced surgeon possible. He should be a registered member of the GMC (General Medical Council) and also BAAPS (the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons).

The op can be carried out under general or local anaesthetic, it takes between one and two hours and you should choose to have it performed somewhere that's registered with the Healthcare Commission (the UK's health watchdog). The inner labia can be reshaped by scalpel or laser. Laser surgery is reputed to be more precise, with less downtime after the op (intercourse isn't recommended until 4-6 weeks after surgery whichever method is used).

Labiaplasty can cost anything between £1250 and £4000. BAAPS has an advice line 020 7405 2234 or go to the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons website. Also visit the cosmetic surgery pages on the Department of Health website where you'll find info on female genital reshaping.

Q. Can you tell me why, when I am ready to climax, I pass wind? I hate it and don't know what's causing it or how to stop it. Any ideas please?

A. I wonder if you’re talking about actually passing wind, or if you mean a queef - which is the odourless trapped air that can escape from your vagina during sex? Rest assured that although it sounds embarrassing, it’s quite normal!

You say it happens when you’re about to climax, and I suspect this is because that’s the moment when you’re completely letting go. Try avoiding doggie position for intercourse, or having your legs in the air, as these tend to let air into the vagina. Your partner should also avoid pulling right out and then thrusting deeply, for the same reason.

But if it is anal gas you mean, then steer clear of spicy or high-fibre foods that cause flatulence, along with carbonated drinks and chewing gum. Reduce the amount of fat in your diet, eat slowly so you don’t swallow too much air and try to go to the loo regularly - especially before making love.

It’s also worth running this by your GP, in case you may be suffering from a common condition called IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). Your doctor will also be able to advise you on the best tablets/medication for reducing wind.

Q. Every time we go out, my bloke stares at other women, as if hes searching for eye candy - with me there beside him! Other than this, we have a trusting relationship and I love him. Whenever I try to talk to him about this, he gets annoyed and says I'm overreacting. Am I? Or am I right to be upset?

A. It seems to me its not his roving eye that's the basic malfunction - its his reluctance to keep that roving eye in check, even though it upsets you. His overdoing of the flirty looks suggests his ego needs a little TLC. Talk to him - not about what he does that makes you feel bad - but about what he does that makes you feel wonderful. Also, try explaining that its precisely because you love him that his ogling distresses you, and ask him to stop. Be gentle and sincere, and don't accuse. You want his understanding this time, not a row!

Q. I lost my temper when my boyfriend didn't pick me up when he said he would (as I don't drive) and he texted me to say it was over. I don't want to lose him, as I love him so much, but he's now asked me if I'll still sleep with him. Friends say he just wants to use me and to forget him. What shall I do?

A. Believe me, I'm a friend, so I'll make this short and sweet. He just wants to use you. Forget him!! Learn to drive as soon as you can, then head off to fun places, where you can meet plenty of fun new people :)

Q. My girlfriend bullies me in bed. She's like a sergeant major, barking orders all the time. I try to please her but she's so demanding, its demoralising. Why can't she let me take control now and again?

A. Ok, there's a thin line between assertive and bossy, but has it occurred to you that there is an equally thin line between accommodating and a wuss? :)

Most women want a confident, assertive lover who isn't afraid to take control, that's take control, not ask permission for it. Sex is a power game and if you want to play you have to be prepared to take a considered risk. Decide to play the game your way for once and let her know by being firm and clear with your instructions that you're in charge this time. Try tying her hands to the bed as a symbol of intent. If she keeps talking, occupy her mouth - I'm sure you'll come up with something! :)

Q. I'm having a cyber affair. It started out as harmless flirting but now I'm totally sexed up and addicted. My boyfriend's thrilled that our sex life is suddenly so great, but he doesn't know why. I'm not being unfaithful, so how come I feel so guilty?

A. Because to some degree you are being unfaithful and you realise that. Fidelity isn't just about keeping your hands out of someone else's pants, its a line we draw that separates how we behave with others and what we keep 'just between the two of us'. It can vary where that line is in all of us, but I'm guessing that what you're sharing with your screen buddy crosses your line. Guilt is our conscience speaking, ignore it and it just gets louder. If you discovered your man was having regular 'cyber sex' with a girl he met in a chat room, would you be happy?

I understand that its a sexy, new type of fun, but why keep it all to yourself? Do some sexy surfing together and get hot, without feeling guilty. There are lots of places to look for fun together.

Q. I have a high-sex drive but am not that experienced sexually. Whenever I have sex I find that I come pretty quickly, the first time. Subsequent times its a little better. Any advice, help on what I can do to improve? What is a normal length of time a man should last from the point of entering?

A. There is no 'normal' length of time for a man to be in a woman, what is 'normal' anyway?

Men I have personal experience of have ranged from a matter of a few seconds to several hours. Normal is a dreadful word, and we should always do what suits us and makes us feel good. If you're pleasing your partner before you enter her, then trust me she will not care how long you are in. However, if you are banging away for hours but not bothering with foreplay then she will be bored and, sorry to be blunt, sore!

Delay sprays genuinely do work if used properly, so that is an option. Can I recommend www.lovehoney.co.uk to find one. Read the reviews and pick a good one that is proven to work.

Also there is the squeeze technique that genuinely does work if you want to prolong your orgasm.

The Squeeze Technique

1. Begin sexual activity as usual, including stimulation of the penis, until you feel almost ready to ejaculate.

2. Have your partner squeeze the end of your penis, at the point where the head joins the shaft, and maintain the squeeze for several seconds, until the urge to ejaculate passes.

3. After the squeeze is released, wait for about 30 seconds, and then go back to foreplay. You may notice that squeezing the penis causes it to become less erect, but when sexual stimulation is resumed, it soon regains full erection.

4. If you again feel you're about to ejaculate, have your partner repeat the squeeze process.

Repeat this as many times as necessary, because you will reach the point of entering your partner without ejaculating. Remember practice makes perfect and after a few practice sessions, the feeling of knowing how to delay ejaculation will become a habit that no longer requires the squeeze technique.

Another possibility to prolong your performance is practicing while you are masturbating. When you feel the need to come then stop what you're doing. Also there are ways to control it while you are doing it yourself, by contracting your pelvic floor muscles. You will know which muscles they are if you try to stop yourself when you go to the toilet to pee. If you increase the number of times you contract and release them during the day (and you can do it while you are at work!) :) then you can control your orgasm too.

And lastly stop thinking about it, and how your performance is, because, as surprising as it sounds, women don't take note of these things, if they are satisfied, and you are a generous, considerate lover, then they won't notice how long you are in them. Trust me.