Q.   I've been in a relationship for over a year, but my bloke's very secretive about his exes.  I don't know anything about them other than what I've found on Facebook and I know he's been talking to one of them, even though he's denied it.  I just want him to be honest with me - what can I do?


A.   Is he a bit secretive or are you a bit nosy?  You may have told him you want honesty but have you asked him what he wants?  It's good to establish ground rules in relationships, but you both have to agree on them, otherwise it becomes controlling.  He may not want to 'tell all' because he doesn't feel it's relevant or he fears your reaction.  In any relationship there has to be room for each person to have his or her own private thoughts and you don't seem to want to acknowledge that.  Ask yourself if he's giving you any reason to feel insecure or if you need to work on your self-esteem.  Chat about ground rules and come to a joint decision about what you want to divulge.