Sunday, June 12, 2011

Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and, although he 'ticks all the boxes', I don't have butterflies when I see him. Is this important? Am I being silly?

A. It's interesting how many times we decide on a partner based on the 'shoulds' of society, rather than our instincts. Having said that, love is something you have to work at - it doesn't just fall into your lap. In your case, there are two things you need to do. First, be honest with yourself. Are the boxes your boyfriend 'ticks' yours or are they what others think is right for you? If those ticks are things that seem good on paper but aren't important to you, maybe you're not getting butterflies for a good reason. If, on the other hand, you value who he is, maybe it's about working on the romance. The second thing you need to do is speak to him. Make a plan to be more spontaneous and try to inject some passion. If there are still no flutters, maybe this relationship is meant to be platonic.

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