Sunday, June 12, 2011

Q. I've been with my girlfriend for less than two years and we're already having old-married-couple sex. I've suggested we try bondage or watching porn together, but she made me feel like a pervert for even asking. This is my longest relationship - is this just what happens?

A. The crazy ripping-each-other's-clothes-off part of a sexual relationship usually lasts about a year (it rarely lasts more than two). But, by that point, you should know each other well enough to begin working on deeper and more intimate lovemaking - the kind that means taking risks and daring to introduce new things. It sounds as though you're doing the right thing, but I wonder if you're going about it in the right way. 'Hey, couldn't we spice things up a little?' could sound a lot like, 'Sex with you is really dull', if said in the wrong tone of voice. So, she might be feeling defensive - or maybe she's just nervous. Either way, a relationship that stands still is a stagnant one. Eventually you'll either move forward or move on.

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