Q. My boyfriend only wants anal sex. I wouldn't mind but he doesn't even kiss or look at me during it. I hint at how I feel but he laughs it off. I worry he doesn't fancy me, or that he's secretly gay. Why is he this way?

A. Some men see anal sex as a symbolic act of masculine power; he could be getting off on that. He might prefer the tighter feel of the anus. He might be afraid of intimacy. And sure, he could be in the closet. But the 'why' that's bothering me is why you're still there. Sex should be mutual and intimate. When it is you feel respected, safe and cared for; selfish or abusive sex destroys self confidence. Make your needs clear so he won't feel he can get away with ignoring them.