Sunday, June 13, 2010

Q. I'm not sure why but I always go for guys who are attached - most often with girlfriends, but one was married. I don't want to hurt anyone, so I don't know what I'm attracted to attached men.

A. There are several reasons why you may be attracted to attached men. It may be that getting someone unavailable signifies a triumph of sorts, or even an ego boost - if he's willing to take a risk for you, you may see this as indicative of your worth. It could also be that you have such little faith in men that, rather than being on the receiving end of an adulterous relationship, you 'choose' it, so you feel like you have more control and are less likely to get hurt. It could also be that you're so comfortable not being in a serious relationship, you are purposely finding unavailable men so you don't have to face the option of being attached. But it could be that you just aren't thinking about the impact of your actions on the girlfriends - or yourself. It's vital to get to the bottom of why you're doing this. You can achieve the sense of control, safety or self-worth that you crave, without compromising your integrity. Why not be single and invest in yourself for a while? Address what you feel is lacking by starting a healthier relationship with yourself.

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