Q. I haven't had sex with my husband for a year. It started with him being 'too tired', then I got sick of trying. I thought we must have a really low sex drive - until I found porn on his laptop. Why would he rather masturbate over strangers?

A. You've both allowed sex to slip into a no-go area and the longer you ignore it, the more difficult it will be to confront. Talking to your partner about intimate issues like 'sex going wrong' is scary. From his point of view, given the option of facing the emotional quagmire of your absent sex life or spending five minutes wanking over a naked lady whose only demand is that he 'give it to her good' isn't that hard to understand. He's clearly found a way to distract himself from the problems you're having and he's not the only one hiding (are you telling me you've not masturbated?) If you want a real sex life with your very real man, you'll have to face up to the situation.