Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Q. I've recently started dating a new man. Our sex life is a little 'unsatisfying' to say the least. He is a heavy drinker, he needs a tumbler of Jack Daniels to help him sleep and every time I visit his home he is already drunk. When he is sober, which is rare, he is a very nice man but the drinking is now becoming an issue.

This is not my main problem though. He is a biker, he loves his bike and has a male friend he spends a lot of time with. His friend is a drinker too, and I have no issue with him having a drinking buddy, he even stays over a few nights a week, when I'm not there. Rumours have filtered back to me, via a few mutual friends, that he does more than ride bikes and share a pint with his friend.

I'm wondering if he is, in fact, bi-sexual and that is why the sex between us is not great. He has a problem maintaining his erection, and I assumed it was the drink, but there is a possibility that it is his sexuality instead. Am I wrong to worry and jump to conclusions? How can I know if he is bi or not?

A. The only way I can suggest you know for sure is by asking him outright, but chances are, if he is using you as cover for his preferences, he will deny it anyway. I dated a bi-sexual man, and I didn't know about it until I confronted him several weeks into the relationship. I noticed a few things that may help you.

He could manage an erection initially but lost it when he entered me. He would then encourage me to perform oral sex on him and his erection would return. I did notice his eyes would be closed during the blow job though. Now I knew my orals skills were good but I didn't think they were better than full sex.

I also became concerned that he was overly keen on anal sex and suggested it repeatedly. There are only so many times you can say no to something before it becomes a chore. He would struggle maintaining an erection in any position other than doggy and this was yet another reason to question his preferences.

I thoroughly enjoyed our time together, and if he had been openly bi I wouldn't have objected, and could even have encouraged him to experiment more, but his hiding made me mistrust him and once the trust was gone, everything else had gone.

Have a close look at your relationship and decide if you want to ignore this problem, but coupled with his lack of consideration for you, and his drinking problem, it seems it could end up being a relationship that makes you frown more than it makes you smile.

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