Q.

I found a blog written by a very sexy and confident lady a while ago and posted some comments on posts she'd written. She seemed to find my comments of interest and also started to visit my own blog. After a while we swapped emails and well, one thing led to another and we spoke to each other on the phone. That was great - we got on like old friends. The conversations were easy, and very broad. Right from the first time we spoke. We met for a drink, and she was as sexy, attractive and fun in person as she had seemed to be in our earlier contacts.We met for another drink which ended with a prolonged spell of finding out if we liked the way we kissed. (we did ). We met a third time and enjoyed a rather different, but fun illicit experience. We seemed to be very much on the same wavelength about so much.

I'm married but an experienced philanderer, she's single and an experienced mistress and it felt like we could share some exciting adventures together. But I screwed it up. I had communication problems and made mistakes in how I responded to her valid criticism of my behaviour in not making more of an effort to let her know. It's the chat I miss the most, although that evening we spent together did whet my appetite for other things too, it's still the chat I miss.

Is there anything you can suggest I might do in order to restore her belief in me as 'one of the good guys'?

A.

It seems you messed up royally, and if she is an experienced mistress she will have come across this behaviour before. That usually means she will tolerate far less in the poor communication stakes. Men who date women who are experienced, confident, sexy, self assured and 'in demand' should always remember, no matter how high an opinion they have of themselves, they are usually easily replaced by a man equally interesting, charming and attractive. This in turn should then encourage them not to mess up or think good and hard about the consequences of their actions.

We all know a woman, as you describe, is a rarity on the Internet, they are not around every corner, therefore they should be treasured and effort should always be put in.

Maybe she wasn't as into you as you thought.
Maybe she had better offers from guys who put more effort in.
Maybe she decided she didn't have to put up with poor communication.
Maybe you assumed far too much about her and what you thought she needed.
Maybe you tried too hard and didn't listen to what she was saying and made it all about you.

On this occasion I think maybe you should assume that it has gone, that she has moved on with a man putting his back into it, that she probably hasn't got time for anything other than chat and, regardless of whether you are a 'good guy' or not, it would never be more than chat. There are lots of men out there who are 'good guys' and its very easy to be put back on the subs bench if you're not making enough effort in the game. Also men don't realise it but it is easy to push women further away if he tries too hard. Men seem to assume that, if they try to solve things after they have messed up, the woman is going to be needy enough to forgive and forget at the first sign of an apology. But women don't forget easily, and they don't HAVE to put up with poor behaviour.

Mail her sometime if you feel you really should, but don't expect miracles, don't expect things as they were, and don't push a woman into feeling obliged to be friends just because you're missing her.

I hope this helps you.