Q. My new boyfriend can't stay hard. He lost his erection with the first girl he slept with and she told everyone - his nickname's been 'Softie' ever since. He says it's psychological and it usually gets better over time, but how can I be sure?

A. You have to take his word for it. The betrayal must have been very humiliating for him and he's probably embarrassed when he has to relive it with a new lover. He's being honest with you about an old mental scar he's still struggling with and he's given you no reason to doubt him. He trusts you, so trust him in return and be patient. In the meantime, you can build intimacy by taking intercourse off the agenda altogether, so you don't have sex until you really know one another. I don't mean to sound like everyone's mum, but it really is the best way.