Q. My boyfriend can't be bothered to have sex. He likes getting blow jobs but says that intercourse is too much effort and that maybe if I dressed in sexy outfits, he might want it more. I don't mind dressing up but why does sex have to be such a circus for him?

A. Make it clear that regular sex is important to you and if you're willing to dress up like a performing seal to get some, you expect him to make the effort to please you without the 'dress up' sometimes. He probably doesn't have a very high libido and needs higher levels of stimulation to get revved up. On the whole, men are more visually stimulated and less imaginative than women, so they need to actually see things rather than just picture them in their minds. His suggestion might seem clumsy but at least he's trying to offer a solution - even if it is one that means you still do all the work. Your libidos may be mismatched, but the responsibility for resolving the problem is 50/50.