Q. I don't have the confidence to ask for what I want in bed. I hate upsetting my man, so I just go with the flow. I enjoy sex but I can't help thinking it could be better. How can I take control of the situation without hurting his feelings?

A. He'll want to know you're happy, so, in fact, not speaking up could upset him even more if he were to find out you're unhappy. To help him reassure you, tell him you want to open up, but feel shy talking about sex. It may help to get him to say what he's thinking and feeling first, then you can reply. You don't have to be explicit, just say what feels nice or what you'd like him to do. 'That feels good' or 'I love it when you do that' is often enough to show him what you're enjoying. Thinking through what you like can also help, and you may find buying a sex guide you can both read will help you express your desires. Try Tracy Cox Supersex for Life from Lovehoney.co.uk or many of the other 'better sex' books on offer on the site.